Conversion: If G-d really wanted me to be a Jew (and observe mitzvot), why was I not born into a Jewish family

Question

This question pertains to the issue of conversion, and if it makes sense in the Jewish context of some people being Chosen specifically by God.

Before beginning, this poster is aware of the long, and serious process of conversion, the commitment it requires, and the eternal nature of it. I am also aware that non-Jews can receive a share of the world to come, and that they can have a perfectly fine (albeit, less developed) relationship with G-d by following the Noachide laws and being a good, moral human being. This is a general or hypothetical question, but I look forward to your answers!

I have long been fascinated by Judaism, and I even like to think that I know more about Judaism than some Jews. I have always felt a strong connection to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and I believe I have felt his presence in my life as a non-Jew. However, I have long wanted to convert because I believe it would make my relationship with G-d closer, I love Jewish culture, and because I want to be a part of the Jewish community.

However, I am having trouble with some of the fundamental aspects of whether or not conversion makes sense in a religion where followers are, by and large (with exceptions for Abraham and so on), "Chosen" by G-d.

Therefore, my dilemma is essentially this:

Though I feel deeply like I have a Jewish soul, and I love G-d, and I wish to be a full member of the Jewish tradition...I am stuck thinking that I should not convert because, if G-d had wanted me to have a Jewish soul, wouldn't He have had me born into a Jewish family?

On some level, I have to ask myself if converting to Judaism would not almost be a rejection of G-d's plan for my life. Would I not be second guessing Him, if I was born into a non-Jewish family? Does not G-d direct who were are born into, and does He instead wish me to live as a righteous Gentile? Who is the pot to question the potter?

I would appreciate any insights you can share on this, and any real-life examples or sources to help me understand if conversion is the right thing to do.

Answer 1

Tosefos addresses a similar line of thought in Bava Kamma 85a:

שנתנה רשות לרפאות - א"ת והא מרפא לחודיה שמעינן ליה וי"ל דה"א ה"מ מכה בידי אדם אבל חולי הבא בידי שמים כשמרפא נראה כסותר גזירת המלך קמ"ל דשרי

(Rough translation) - One may have thought that there is no right to seek healing from a sickness that comes from Heaven, as it seems like contravening the decree of the King [that this person should be sick]. This comes and teaches us otherwise. (See also Rashi there)

(Before someone misconstrues this as equating being a non-Jew to being sick, it isn't.)

Hashem puts us in situations in order that we respond to them (in the case of sickness, it may be in order that we pray or some other reason). The correct response may vary depending on the situation, but simply the fact that Hashem puts a person into a given situation is no indication that He wants the person to remain there.

Answer 2

The fact that conversion exists as part of halachah means that it is within the framework of options that G-d is giving you.

If you felt that really you were supposed to be a woman, then the correct response is to say "If G-d had wanted me to be a woman he would have made me one," because sex change operations etc. are not halachik options.

We can't know G-d's plans/why He arranges things the way that He does. Therefore, we will never really know why a convert was not simply born Jewish.

However, it is obvious that a convert does not have the identical life experience/background/motivations as does a born Jew. Clearly, for whatever reason a convert had to go through the process of conversion rather than being born Jewish, for their benefit.

• Perhaps having to go through the process of choosing to be Jewish and converting will help them get in touch with their inner selves/Judaism more than if they never had to make that choice.
• Maybe this "choosing" process is a rectification for some past life where the person chose to be irreligious.
• Maybe the fact that the person is a convert is G-d's way of ensuring that they marry the person who's best for them (because a kohen can't marry a convert, and some people will - wrongly - reject a convert as being "inferior," or merely feel (and this can be justified) that they don't have enough in common with such a person.)
• Perhaps the Jewish people will benefit from the knowledge/perspective that the convert brings with him by virtue of the fact that he did not use to be Jewish.

Who knows?

I don't. G-d does.

-Rebbetzin HaQoton

P.S. Good luck on your journey, wherever it takes you. You sound like a a very sincere, searching person, who thinks. Most people don't take the time to think...

Answer 3

Converts are a way that Gd rewards us for doing His Will. He selects a righteous individual from the nations and attaches them to Israel, like a King who rewards his well-behaved son by planting a beautiful plant in his garden, (Yerush. Berahot 2:8).

We'd be sorely lacking without these beautiful plants:

• Obadia, was an Edomite convert, praised even more than Abraham, (Sanh. 39b). Gd chose him above all other prophets to channel vital messages for us about messianic times.

• Ruth and Naamah, Moabite and ammonite convertesses, respectively, were matriarchs of our messianic line of kings, (4:18-22, Yevamot 63a, Rashi ibid).

• Rahab, a convertess of the Seven Nations of Canaan, married Joshua, and among her descendents were a number of Prophets and Priests, including Jeremiah! (Megillah 14b).

Answer 4

...if G-d had wanted me to have a Jewish soul, wouldn't he have had me born into a Jewish family?

It's possible that you are being tested to see if you will go all the way and convert.

We see that Abraham was tested; had G-d wanted him to live in the land of Canaan, why wasn't he born there?

(That said, we firmly believe that there's no obligation for anybody to convert. This answer is not an appeal / suggestion that you convert.)

Answer 5

The Gemara in Pesachim 87b writes:

R. Elazar said: The Holy One, Blessed be He, did not exile Israel among the nations save in order that converts might join them.

From this gemara it is clear that God desires that there should be converts.

Answer 6

Jeremy,

I am stuck thinking that I should not convert because, if G-d had wanted me to have a Jewish soul, wouldn't he have had me born into a Jewish family?

First of all, your interest and respect in God's will already makes you a good candidate for conversation. Secondly, there's actually a tradition that one who converts to Judaism does so because they already have a soul which is 2/3 Jewish. Meaning that of the three parts of the soul that all humans have (nefesh, ruach and neshama), a convert to Judaism already has a Jewish nefesh and a Jewish ruach. A Jewish neshama can be gained through effort, learning, and observing the mitzvot.

Don't be discouraged by the your circumstances of being born into a non-Jewish family. Perhaps God has put you there for a particular reason - but it doesn't exclude the possibility that you can take the steps for yourself to convert to Judaism and affirm the connection with our people that it sounds like you soul already feels.

Learn, read, pray, and seek out a rabbi to begin the process of conversion. Feel free to message me for any recommendations on the above or further questions.

izmargad

Answer 7

we were not created as inanimate pots to be kept on display but rather as human beings with free will to choose and to grow spiritually. What would have happened if Ruth thought like you?

I am not saying it is right or wrong to convert. (one may even lose out in converting.) only that we cannot know the reasons for many things, since who can understand the ways of God?

Answer 8

I think you are operating under an incorrect assumption: you seem to understand that a soul is 'neutral' until God decides whether to place it into a Jewish body or a non-Jewish body. Hence it makes sense to ask why God chose to place your soul in a non-Jewish body. My understanding (can't recall the sources right now) is that every soul that is placed into the child of a Jewish mother was already a Jewish soul beforehand; it is a fragment of one of the souls that left Egypt and received the Torah. From this perspective, it no longer makes sense to ask why God placed your soul in a non-Jewish body; there was no other option, as your soul was not from that original group.

I also recall learning (but don't remember the source) that when God offered the Torah to the other nations, although each nation as a whole rejected it, there were individuals among them who wanted to accept. These individuals are reincarnated throughout history as people who have a mysterious attraction to Judaism and eventually convert.

Answer 9

Judaism has always encouraged a dialog with G-d. He wants you to challenge Him, like Avraham argued against the destruction of Sedom. Don't just accept what's put in front of you - work to make it better.

Answer 10

There is an expression in the Talmud which talks about a convert who converts. This double language has an implication. That implication is a person who goes through with the conversion process was someone who already had within them a Jewish soul and it was part of their life mission to uncover this aspect within them through a conversion process according to Jewish law...

http://www.chabad.org/therebbe/livingtorah/player_cdo/aid/878374/jewish/Welcome-Home.htm

Answer 11

Rebbe Nachman teaches that part of elevating honor to Hashem, to the Root (Euphemism for Hashem, like "Makom") is by bringing in geirim and baalei tshuve, as brought in Likkutei Moharan (Torah 14:1-2). He says this is part of bringing down peace to the whole world. The Torah teaches us how to elevate sparks of holiness to Hashem, and serves as an antidote to the yetzer hara, as stated in various places by many rabbonim. Some of us are born in goyishe bodies with a Jewish soul in order to elevate the body to Hashem through destroying the klippos and removing all the layers and screens (as Rebbe Nachman puts it) through tevilah before a beis din and consciously and fully accepting the mitzvos, rescinding all allegiance to the false idols. I personally recommend against converting for reasons regarding the next world, what's important is sanctifying this world through our actions and achieving d'veikus (cleaving) to Hashem.

Answer 12

Just to add on previous answers..

the talmud (shabbos קמו) states that the souls of converts were actually at sinai. (the gemara says מזלייהו, but many מפרשים quote it as נשמות..)

Answer 13

I tell you how I see it, because I feel the same way about Judaism. I hope I don't sound arrogant (I'm just about to start my conversion process) but I just perceive myself as a Jewish soul. G-d decided that my journey had to be different because I had to learn different things than other people, and then "get back home" and convert. Is it not a beautiful metaphore of the whole Jewish history, afterall? Everyone's journey is different. I am converting in order to get back home. That's how I perceive it. I know I also feel this way because I know my ancestors where Jewish and obliged to convert to christianism, but still... I think everyone has their own journey. And, if you have any doubt about it, ask yourself : what about Ruth? What about all the Rabbis and Profets that came from a convert genealogy? We are never going to know G-d's full plan, neither we need to. If you feel this way with Judaism there must be a reason for that. Just trust G-d and you'll be fine :)