Neder to not eat pizza [closed]

Question

If I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat?

On the one hand, it would seem that bread with sauce and cheese on it is called pizza, as that is what they give you in a pizza shop when you order a slice of pizza.

However, it is implied otherwise in the bagel-bites commercial song:

Pizza in the morning pizza in the evening pizza at suppertime/

When pizza's on a bagel you can eat pizza anytime

It is clear that the pizza is on the bagel. This would lead me to believe that the real pizza is the tomato-based-sauce and the melted cheese, and the bread is just the base to put it on.

However, one would expect according to this that spaghetti with cheese and sauce would also be a form of pizza and called thus, since it contains a melted-cheese/tomato-bases-sauce mixture, which is something we don't see. And if the requirement is that the cheese-sauce mixture is a layer on top, I present lasagna, which is also not known as pizza.

So if I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat? Please cite your sources.

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This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

Answer 1

Etymologically, the word is Pi Tza -- that which comes out of the mouth of an oven. So any dish which has the ingredients of a pizza and which is baked would fall under the neder. The question is asked about Pizza rolls and stuffed crust, but it is derived by the Pepperonier Rov that the gematria of pizza is 185, the same as hapanim. This points to the face of the pizza -- it must have an open face to be considered.

This same gematria is used by some to connect the pizza with the lechem hapanim, to say that only pizza that sits for 6 days and is still fresh would be meant by the neder.

Answer 2

The first משנה of מסכת פיצה reads:

פיצה שנולדה ביום טוב בית שמאי אומרים תאכל ובית הלל אומרים לא תאכל. בית שמאי אומרים שאור בכזית וחמץ בככותבת ובית הלל אומרים זה וזה בכזית.‏

Pizza that came into being on a holiday: בית שמאי says it must be eaten, and בית הלל say it need not be eaten. בית שמאי says the starter [=dough to make other dough rise] should be olive-sized and the actual dough should be date-sized. בית הלל says both should be olive-sized.

So we see the dough is part of the pizza, though there is a dispute as to how much dough is needed.

Your citation otherwise from the Bagel Bites commercial would seem to be attributable to poetic license.

Answer 3

When one bakes sauce and cheese on top of a dough, there is a thin layer of the dough in contact with the sauce and cheese that becomes soft and mushy. That layer is the "pizza." Pizza סתם is pizza on normal dough. "Pizza on a bagel" is referring to that thin layer of the top of the bagel which softens into pizza, and it is on top of the bagel. Pasta has no such layer, and therefore pasta never earns the title "pizza." If you make a neder to not eat pizza, you must avoid eating that layer, but the rest of the concoction can be enjoyed.

This also answers another well-known difficulty, which of course is the seeming contradiction-in-terms of cheeseless pizza. Even without the cheese, the sauce still forms the layer of mushy dough, and can therefore still be called "pizza."

Answer 4

R' Ilpaso* states that pasta dishes are exempt from the halachah of pizza, and expands that in addition, Chicago style is exempt, following Dayan Scalia and R' Stewart. Furthermore, bread with tomato and meat is not pizza, as it would not be acceptable in a kosher pizza restaurant.

*Written אִלפצו.

Answer 5

It's a chasurei mechs'ra in the jingle, left out to fit the beat. It should actually say:

When pizza's made on a bagel you can eat pizza anytime.

We see from here that pizza refers to the bread/dough as well. Here, the bagel takes the place of regular pizza dough.