I have heard from many that there is a minhag (custom) not to make what many call a "tanoim" or a "vort" (the celebration when a couple gets engaged) for 2 people that were once divorced. They base it on a Medresh in Bereshis Rabba that since the first luchos (tablets) were given in a loud way and they were broken therefore the 2nd luchos were given quietly. A comparison I suppose is drawn from there that there shouldn't be a "big event" or a publicized "tanoim/vort" by a zivug sheini. Although this comparison is made and mentioned by many (many poskim I called to ask) others told me it's not brought in any earlier seforim and is a relatively new minhag that is lacking a proper makor. Does anyone know where it come from that this medresh become the sort of "source" for not making a "big event" by a the tanoim or vort of a zivug sheini? I understand this is why we don't make a "big deal" by the wedding as well.

(Note: Like I mentioned I asked many Rabbonim about this, many told me simply the minhag is to not make an noted the medresh as a "source". However it happened to be that the 2 "biggest" Rabbonim that I asked who are both dayanim that deal a lot with Evan HaEzer shailos, and especially one who is involved in Shalom Bayis, being m'seder Kedushin, etc (i.e. has a "hand" in these inyunim) both told me there is officially no reason not to make something "normal". It become simply something that people do however has no strong source.)


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Nitei Gavriel Nisuin1 49:2 in the name of Teshuras Shai 2:150, Imrei Yosher 2:23, MaHarash Engel 5:53, and Shem M'Shimon 9 mentions that no Tenaim are done by a Zivug Sheini, only a Kinyan. He does not mention by this the reason of Luchos Sheini. In 49:3 footnote he mentions that no invitations are sent for a Zivug Sheini wedding similar to the Luchos Sheini where it was done B'Tzniyos, however he does name his sources.

Nitei Gavriel Nisuin2 110:16 in the name of China V'Chisda Volume 1 73:1 mentions that one does not make as big of a Seuda by a second marriage as by a first marriage.

  • Thanks, I was familiar with these sources. The Teshuras Shai, Imrei Yosher and MaHarash Engel are all speaking about the actual writing of the Tanoim and not the seudah part.
    – Yehoshua
    Feb 3, 2014 at 21:29

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