I have heard from many that there is a minhag (custom) not to make what many call a "tanoim" or a "vort" (the celebration when a couple gets engaged) for 2 people that were once divorced. They base it on a Medresh in Bereshis Rabba that since the first luchos (tablets) were given in a loud way and they were broken therefore the 2nd luchos were given quietly. A comparison I suppose is drawn from there that there shouldn't be a "big event" or a publicized "tanoim/vort" by a zivug sheini. Although this comparison is made and mentioned by many (many poskim I called to ask) others told me it's not brought in any earlier seforim and is a relatively new minhag that is lacking a proper makor. Does anyone know where it come from that this medresh become the sort of "source" for not making a "big event" by a the tanoim or vort of a zivug sheini? I understand this is why we don't make a "big deal" by the wedding as well.

(Note: Like I mentioned I asked many Rabbonim about this, many told me simply the minhag is to not make an noted the medresh as a "source". However it happened to be that the 2 "biggest" Rabbonim that I asked who are both dayanim that deal a lot with Evan HaEzer shailos, and especially one who is involved in Shalom Bayis, being m'seder Kedushin, etc (i.e. has a "hand" in these inyunim) both told me there is officially no reason not to make something "normal". It become simply something that people do however has no strong source.)


Nitei Gavriel Nisuin1 49:2 in the name of Teshuras Shai 2:150, Imrei Yosher 2:23, MaHarash Engel 5:53, and Shem M'Shimon 9 mentions that no Tenaim are done by a Zivug Sheini, only a Kinyan. He does not mention by this the reason of Luchos Sheini. In 49:3 footnote he mentions that no invitations are sent for a Zivug Sheini wedding similar to the Luchos Sheini where it was done B'Tzniyos, however he does name his sources.

Nitei Gavriel Nisuin2 110:16 in the name of China V'Chisda Volume 1 73:1 mentions that one does not make as big of a Seuda by a second marriage as by a first marriage.

  • Thanks, I was familiar with these sources. The Teshuras Shai, Imrei Yosher and MaHarash Engel are all speaking about the actual writing of the Tanoim and not the seudah part. – Yehoshua Feb 3 '14 at 21:29

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .