Within the Laws of marriage in the Religious world, if someone was to be sexually abused or assaulted, however has done and experience properly the 5 stages of appropriate and acceptable Teshuvah does this mean that Hashem sees it as it has never happened? And does this mean that one does not need to write this on this Ketubah?


2 Answers 2


Firstly, Judaism makes it quite clear that we do not blame the victim of a rape: "as for the young woman [who was raped], don't do anything to her. This crime is just like if if one man jumped up and murdered another [you wouldn't blame the victim] -- [we assume] the woman screamed out, but no one was there to save her." (Deut. 22:25) Thus the appropriate process is healing, not teshuva. The rape victim did nothing wrong as far as G-d is concerned. (And yes, occasionally there are victims of rape or abuse who experienced whatever anatomic reactions during the process that would normally be associated with pleasurable sensations and sadly blame themselves for this. Again, Judaism does not blame the victim.) Nor do we demand that a victim forgive his/her tormentor. If the victim still feels guilt, she would be encouraged to discuss that with a competent mental-health professional, but the guilt serves no religious purpose.

As has been discussed in similar questions here, the first steps are making sure that justice is served and that the victim can recover, physically and emotionally. This is the sort of thing that a prospective spouse should be informed of at some point during the dating process. As for the ketubah, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein rules that betulta can be written if the husband is okay with it (he accepts the same obligations that would apply to a betulta), and the rapist/abuser was a Jew who was not a very close relative. If the rapist/abuser was not Jewish, or G-d forbid a parent or sibling, then the ketubah would read it'ta (simply "a woman"), still with the sum of 200 zuz. Note the only people who need to see this are the couple and two witnesses. (And for the all the witnesses know, it'ta could simply mean she once had a non-Jewish boyfriend. There are no statements of judgement in a ketubah, only technical legal categories.) Meanwhile, if desired, a dummy ketubah with the word "betulta" can be read out-loud (and/or displayed on the living room wall, if you like) -- quite frankly this is none of the business of the hundreds of people attending.


If the kesuba does not contain the word besula I doubt she could claim 200. If she was not a virgin then unlike the previous answer she cannot write besula. If the husband though agrees I dont know. Is a woman allowed to trick her husband to give him the impression she is a besula when she isnt. The minchas yitschak says she is not allowed to. The Klausenberger rebbe says she is. Although the shaala was about one of his relatives and that may have played a part in his tshuva. I tend to approve of the minchas yitschak.

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