I'm not going to address the double standard directly, but perhaps you can infer the subtle answer from this amazing gemara in Chagiga 13:b
״וָאֵרֶא וְהִנֵּה רוּחַ סְעָרָה בָּאָה מִן הַצָּפוֹן עָנָן גָּדוֹל וְאֵשׁ מִתְלַקַּחַת וְנוֹגַהּ לוֹ סָבִיב וּמִתּוֹכָהּ כְּעֵין הַחַשְׁמַל מִתּוֹךְ הָאֵשׁ״. לְהֵיכָן אֲזַל? אֲמַר רַב יְהוּדָה אָמַר רַב: שֶׁהָלַךְ לִכְבּוֹשׁ אֶת כָּל הָעוֹלָם כּוּלּוֹ תַּחַת נְבוּכַדְנֶצַּר הָרָשָׁע. וְכׇל כָּךְ לָמָּה? שֶׁלֹּא יֹאמְרוּ אוּמּוֹת הָעוֹלָם: בְּיַד אוּמָּה שְׁפָלָה מָסַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶת בָּנָיו. אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא: מִי גָּרַם לִי שֶׁאֶהְיֶה שַׁמָּשׁ לְעוֹבְדֵי פְסִילִים — עֲוֹנוֹתֵיהֶן שֶׁל יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵן גָּרְמוּ לִי.
The verse states: “And I looked and, behold, a stormy wind came out of the north, a great cloud, with a fire flashing up, so that a brightness was round about it; and out of its midst was like the color of electrum, out of the midst of the fire” (Ezekiel 1:4). The Gemara poses a question: Where did that wind go? Rav Yehuda said that Rav said: It went to conquer the entire world under the wicked Nebuchadnezzar. And why was all of this necessary? Why was it necessary that the entire world be subjected to his dominion? So that the nations of the world would not say: The Holy One, Blessed be He, delivered His children into the hands of a lowly nation. Since it was already decreed that the kingdom of Israel would fall into the hands of Nebuchadnezzar, God made him into a great conqueror, so that Israel would not be ashamed of being defeated by him. The Holy One, Blessed be He, said with regard to this: Who caused Me to be an attendant to worshippers of molten images, forcing Me to wage their wars? It was the sins of Israel that led Me to do so.
God made Nebuchadnezzar, the first to destroy the temple, into a great warrior. But he did so only for the honour of Israel - do you see where this is going?
Another important gemara relevant to this question is Yoma 69b, where the gemara is wondering why Hashem's praises were reduced by prophets and how the Men of the Great Assembly got their name because they restored them. The reason given for having lost the praise "HaGibor", "The Mighty One" is because Hashem let the Temple get destroyed, so it appeared, chas veshalom, that He wasn't mighty. How did the Men of the Great Assembly restore it? By arguing for Hashem's Might from another angle:
אֲתוֹ אִינְהוּ וְאָמְרוּ: אַדְּרַבָּה, זוֹ הִיא (גְּבוּרַת)
גְּבוּרָתוֹ: שֶׁכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ — שֶׁנּוֹתֵן אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם
לָרְשָׁעִים
The members of the Great Assembly came and said: On the contrary, this
is the might of His might, [i.e., this is the fullest expression of
it], that He conquers His inclination in that He exercises patience
toward the wicked.
Steinsaltz:
God’s anger is flared by the gentile nations’ enslavement of His
people, yet He expresses tremendous might by suppressing His anger and
holding back from punishing them immediately. Therefore, it is still
appropriate to refer to God as mighty.
In Hashem's infinite wisdom, delaying the punishment of the wicked in this case is the best course of action, but in order to do so, Hashem has to, so to speak, go against His nature.
The gemara continues and explains that part of the reason for this is in order to preserve the Jewish nation:
וְאֵלּוּ הֵן נוֹרְאוֹתָיו — שֶׁאִלְמָלֵא מוֹרָאוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ
בָּרוּךְ הוּא הֵיאַךְ אוּמָּה אַחַת יְכוֹלָה לְהִתְקַיֵּים בֵּין
הָאוּמּוֹת?
And these acts also express His awesomeness: Were it not for the
awesomeness of the Holy One, Blessed be He, how could one people,
survive among the nations?
This destruction somehow preserved us. The most common explanation is so that our sins can be forgiven, as sin is the true cause of suffering and death (e.g. Berachot 5a). There may be deeper explanations too.
