If someone is having a hard time finding a shidduch, what can they do to help the process along?

Are there any recommendations brought in the holy books that will make it easier?


4 Answers 4


The Talmud (Bava Kama 92a) states:

כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו והוא צריך לאותו דבר, הוא נענה תחילה
Anyone who asks for mercy for his friend, and he needs that thing too, he is answered first.

So you should consider praying for other people who have predicaments similar to your own.

(Inspired by this answer.)

  • 1
    I assume that refers to the merit of genuinely caring for another; not to turning care for one's friend into a charm to promote personal gain.
    – mevaqesh
    Commented Jun 2, 2016 at 17:00
  • @mevaqesh I'm just reporting what the Gemara says. If seeing one's own plight is a cause for you to notice and think about others', so be it.
    – Double AA
    Commented Jun 2, 2016 at 17:08
  • I agree that it is meritorious to notice the plight of others and do what one can to relieve it. I fear, however, turning them into a hefza shel segulah.
    – mevaqesh
    Commented Jun 2, 2016 at 17:11
  • @mevaqesh I fear you are making up concepts to have fears about.
    – Double AA
    Commented Jun 2, 2016 at 17:12
  • Ashrecha that you have not been exposed to this in real life to know that it is a reality not a theoretical concern.
    – mevaqesh
    Commented Jun 2, 2016 at 17:16

I've seen in a couple seforim hakedoshim that learning mesechtas kesubos is a segulah for a shidduch.

  • You should give the pointer to the specific location where you have seen this. Commented May 1, 2020 at 12:23
  • i should. But i don't remember. @sabbahillel
    – Moshe
    Commented May 3, 2020 at 5:02

Aside from all the practical recommendations (davening, networking, expressing sincere gratitude to shadchanim both in word and deed - consider paying them for each date since they are busy for so many people and worked to find someone for you), Rav Chaim Kanievsky says that the mitzva of shliuach haken, sending away the mother bird, helps particularly for shidduchim.


From a website The Shidduch Site lists the following segulahs for finding a shidduch.

Recite all of Shir HaShirim every day for forty days (preferably after chatzos, or before sunrise) Daven for 40 consecutive days at the Kotel (see below) Recite from Nishmas Kol Chai (נשמת כל חי) until the end of of Shabbos Pesukei D'Zimrah (פסוקי דזמרה) at the Kotel, at midnight. Daven at the kever (grave) of Rabbi Yonasan ben Uziel in Amukah, Israel (neat Tsfat) Daven on behalf of someone else who needs a shidduch Collect shards from plates broken at the signing of tena'im Recite the tehillim listed below each day (see below) Recite all of Sefer Tehillim at chatzos (halachic midnight) on Purim night Recite Shiras HaYam (the song of the crossing of the Red Sea) with great concentration. (Sefer Hamidos) Recite the Torah section dealing with the inaugural sacrifices brought by the heads of the Twelve Tribes. (Numbers, Chapt. 7:1-7:89) (Rabbi Nachman of Breslov) Recite Perek Shira every each day Study the halachos of Shmiros HaLashon (see below) Give tzedakah to Hachnosas Kallah funds Become a teacher (or tutor) of Torah Do mitzvos or minhagim that will increase your love for Hashem Receive the Chasan Breishis (חתן בראשית) aliyah on Simchas Torah Obtain a bracha for marriage from a tzadik or your rebbe Increase the intensity of your tefilos (Men: Recite Kiddush Levanah, the sanctificaton of the New Moon) (Women: Hold the candle during havdalah. The height of the raised candle will be the height of your chasan. Or so they say :-))

Last be not least wishing you a Mazel Tov if you find a Shidduch

  • Is this list really reputable? At least one item on it is known to be baseless judaism.stackexchange.com/q/17076/759 and many others sound quite dubious
    – Double AA
    Commented May 1, 2020 at 17:36
  • I haven’t tried anyone them, so I wouldn’t know. Majority of them I have heard and read that they do work. Commented May 1, 2020 at 17:41

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