Today there are many different practices that have been "adopted" (not formally though) among the various Jewish communities on how the parents of an engaged couple divide up the expenses of the wedding - and potentially the couple's expenses as they start out.

In some circles, the larger financial burden falls on the parents on the girl. Often the boy's parents pay for a specific set of expenses (i.e. FLOP, Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, Pictures). In other circles, the parents always split it 50/50.

Do the sages ever discuss what the proper approach to this important time is? Do we know how the sages and great Rabbis of more modern times dealt in these matters?

  • 3
    The gemara might imply that the groom paid for catering: אמר רבא חזקה אין אדם טורח בסעודה ומפסידה (K'suvos 10a).
    – Fred
    Apr 26, 2013 at 3:03
  • Can you elaborate? What does that mean? Apr 26, 2013 at 3:18
  • 3
    It means that we don't expect someone to lie about his bride's virginity in order to divorce her without paying the k'suba. The reason we can be confident is that he wouldn't go through the trouble of preparing the wedding feast if he planned on divorcing her. If he makes claims after the wedding, we assume that he therefore actually discovered new information and that he didn't plot in advance to lie about it. This seems to presuppose that he went through the trouble/expense of preparing the meal.
    – Fred
    Apr 26, 2013 at 4:20
  • Excellent explanation! Do you know if any communities base their arrangements on the implication of this Gemara? Apr 26, 2013 at 14:24
  • The last paragraph here hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=921&st=&pgnum=160 says that all Jews do, and that the custom that the girls side pays for everything is seen as a gift to the girl from her parents, and in case of death or divorce of the husband this amount will be due to her
    – hazoriz
    Dec 19, 2017 at 17:43


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