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The way I understand, it has become common in recent times for the parents of the girl, to offer a monthly stipend for a period of time after marriage. Is there a source for doing this?

  • If you're talking about just supporting a young married couple when the husband is not learning, I doubt there are any sources for such a practice (though people may have done it for any number of reasons). However, if you're talking about supporting a couple so that the husband can devote himself to Torah study then there are numerous sources that speak of this as a praiseworthy practice. – LazerA Dec 25 '12 at 18:46
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    @LazerA - Can you perhaps record these sources? – Gershon Gold Dec 25 '12 at 18:48
  • So, you are confirming that the question is the latter? If so, b"n, I will try to collect a few sources when I have time. – LazerA Dec 25 '12 at 18:50
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    @LazerA Are these sources about supporting one-who-learns in general, or specifically a child for a certain number of years after marriage? And GershonGold, if it is the general one, is that what you want in this question? – Double AA Dec 25 '12 at 18:54
  • @DoubleAA If my memory serves me correctly, there are a number of sources that specifically speak of the merit of supporting one's sons and/or sons-in-law so that they can study Torah. I don't recall any of the sources setting a time limit. – LazerA Dec 25 '12 at 19:15
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This practice, or at least the idea broadly, is endorsed by Rambam who writes the following in Hil. Matnot Aniyim (10:15):

הנותן מזונות לבניו ולבנותיו הגדולים שאינו חייב במזונותן, כדי ללמד הזכרים תורה, ולהנהיג הבנות בדרך ישרה ולא יהיו מבוזות, וכן הנותן מזונות לאביו ולאימו--הרי זה בכלל הצדקה; וצדקה גדולה היא, שהקרוב קודם

One who provides sustenance to his grown sons and daughters whom he is not required to support so that the males learn Torah, and so to lead the daughters in the proper path and that they not be disgraced, as so too one who gives sustenance to his father and his mother--this is included in charity. And it is a significant [example of] charity; for relatives take precedence. (translation my own).

Significantly, his wording ולהנהיג הבנות בדרך ישרה ולא יהיו מבוזות definitely seems to include cases besides for supporting the husband learning, and apparently cases besides for supporting the wife learning. Furthermore, his natural transition to speaking of supporting one's mother and father, making no mention of doing this to facilitate their study, strongly implies that besides for support to facilitate study, Rambam endorses all support for grown family members who could use it. Today, many people's primary financial concerns begin after marriage, and it is then that Rambam's statement would be most applicable.

Indeed, Rambam writes explicitly in Hilkhot Matnot Aniyim (7:13) that supporting one's family takes precedence over charity to others:

עני שהוא קרובו, קודם לכל אדם


Note: Rambam does not limit his statement to support after marriage. It seems probable that continuing to feed and house one's unmarried children would qualify as well. However, he certainly includes cases after marriage.

  • this seems to me with a father giving his son money to learn or his daughter money not to be embarrassed. This does not indicate that one should support his son in law. – Gershon Gold Aug 10 '16 at 16:45
  • @GershonGold a) I suspect that the plural term הזכרים refers to all the male household members. Including the SIL. || b) assuming the interconnected financial statuses of one's daughter and son-in-law, support for one's daughter, is for all intents and purposes, support for one's SIL. || c) the juxtaposition of this statement with support of parents indicates that, as he states explicitly, this is not a particular din azza pertaining to this person, or that, but rather a general philosophy of prioritizing one's kin. This certainly applies to one's SIL. – mevaqesh Aug 10 '16 at 18:27

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