Your question is understandably short on detail, so it's possible my particular answer will not be wholly relevant to you. I am a man with a hammer, all too familiar with the phenomenon you describe.
דרך ארץ קדמה לתורה
Derech Eretz precedes the Torah
The source of this well-known saying is not as obvious as the frequency it is quoted would suggest. See this fascinating blog post and the discussion in the comments. It is variously applied to manners, livelihood and even marital intimacy, but the sense in which I take it is the one which I was taught - that living life according to the way of the world is a prerequisite to living life according to the Torah.
This does not mean that when normal social practice clashes with a Torah lifestyle you favour 'the done thing'. It goes without saying that mitzvot must be upheld in opposition to the entire world if it comes to that. Rather, the wisdom of the world is a foundation to the sublime and infinite wisdom of the Torah. You've got to master day-to-day normal living before you can master living according to the Torah.
This idea can be applied to behaviour which we just can't seem to eradicate from our life no matter how much teshuvah we do, mussar we learn or prayers we pour out. I'm talking about stuff which we know that the Torah forbids, and which we intellectually don't want to do, but are somehow driven to do anyway. The Torah approach just doesn't seem to get any traction, like a car stuck in mud. You're giving a huge amount of effort and attention to the problem, pedal to the metal, you can feel energy and sincerity pouring out of you, and yet you're getting nowhere, always slipping back to where you were. It can lead to despair.
The wisdom of the world is intimately familiar with this problem. It's not a Torah issue at all. It applies to people across the world and throughout the ages. They call it addiction.
Yes, I just called you an addict. I hope you will not take offense because I mean none. I am well aware, as I said at the start, that I know nothing about you or your circumstances. All I have to work with is your complaint about not being able to change your life. That certainly doesn't classify you as an addict, but it is a defining characteristic of people who admitted they were 'powerless'. The insult offered if it doesn't apply to you is outweighed by the benefit if it does.
In my opinion (and the opinion of frum Jews who have been forced to acknowledge and address their problems in this light) the Torah approach simply will not work for an addict. They have a problem fundamental to being human which requires correction through mundane means. Only then will the Torah 'work' for them. This is a radical and controversial idea which most Jews do not feel the need to entertain except in desperation.
At the risk of being flippant, addiction is (to a degree) a 'solved problem'. The 12 Steps, when applied properly and fully, are proven* to allow an addict to change his behaviour where nothing else has worked. Anyone interested in self-improvement and growth, whether they have an addiction or not, will find food for thought in the writings of Rabbi Twerski. If you determine that you are or might be an addict, explore the numerous Jewish addiction resources around the world. Relief is out there.
In closing, I acknowledge again how presumptuous of me it is to extrapolate from such slim data. Please take my words in the spirit they are meant.