There is no Torah obligation (as far as I am aware) for kibbud for a wife; however, in my experience, husbands tend to show a special honor for their wives. An example where this is frequenetly manifest is on Shabbos when the husband will often give a piece of challah to his wife before giving to any of the guests at the table.

My question is: if the husband's parents are at his Shabbos table, is he required by kibbud av v'eym to give them challah first? I am also asking the more general question: does kibbud av v'eim always trump kibbud for a wife?

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    Related: judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/17809/honor-thy-children
    – b a
    Commented Aug 6, 2012 at 18:12
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    Since the wife is (almost) always there with him for Shabbat, and the parents are guests, I'd say he has to give to the wife first because of tadir v'sh'aino tadir, tadir kodem. (tongue-in-cheek)
    – Ze'ev
    Commented Sep 7, 2012 at 17:51

3 Answers 3


Regarding honouring one's wife the Gemoro Yevamot 62b says "A man should love his wife as himself and honour her more than himself." ת"ר האוהב את אשתו כגופו והמכבדה יותר מגופו ..... עליו הכתוב אומר וידעת כי שלום אהלך

But there is a comparison between honouring parents and honouring G-d in Kiddushin 30b השוה הכתוב מוראת אב ואם למוראת המקום

So I think kibbud av v'eim normally trumps kibbud for a wife.

  • So what about the specific practical example I gave in my question with the challah on Shabbat?
    – Daniel
    Commented Aug 6, 2012 at 18:21
  • @Daniel See the end of my answer here judaism.stackexchange.com/a/11228/759
    – Double AA
    Commented Aug 6, 2012 at 22:39
  • @AvrohomYitzchok Your comparison is not perfect because you compare mora to kavod, and also it doesn't say how much more than yourself to honor your wife. So if you could source the last statement that would be nice. +1 for the first source though.
    – Double AA
    Commented Aug 6, 2012 at 22:41
  • @DoubleAA So with regard to your linked answer, does that mean that the custom of giving the challah to the wife doesn't have anything to do with kibbud? This seems kind of different from the situation in the other question because everybody definitely needs to eat some of the challah for it to be a meal.
    – Daniel
    Commented Aug 6, 2012 at 23:48
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    @msh210 It's my own .. thought. Commented Aug 7, 2012 at 13:11


Torah says "that a man shall abandon his parents and stick to his wife."

Maharik says that if a man falls in love with a lady despite his father's protests, he can ignore his father -- a strong marriage is a religious value, so his father is telling him to do something against the Torah!

Listen to Rabbi Willig's mp3 series on Kibud Av V'em for more.

  • How would you reply to Avrohom Yitzchok's answer above?
    – Daniel
    Commented Aug 7, 2012 at 13:26

A man has to honour his parents 1st but a woman has to honor her husband, that is why the gemoro says that her kiibud ov vo'em is not the same as his because she is meshubad to her husband before her parents

However the husband has a contractual obligation to honor his wife because he signed in the kesubah "ano eflach v'okir yoseychi"

  • Andrew welcome again. Since MY is different from other sites you might be used to, see here for a guide which might help understand the site. See in particular the focus on writing in English so even those less familiar with Hebrew can benefit from the site
    – mbloch
    Commented Jul 2, 2021 at 5:30

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