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In the bencher I use it has some instructions, which I don't understand or know where they come from.

Are all the cases listed supposed to be done? A wife for her husband? A husband for his wife? Are they considered guests for each other when they eat together one on one? Any sources that discuss how this works? enter image description here

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  • At home i understood its a nice thing yo say for your wife, but not obligatory.
    – Shlomy
    May 15 at 1:50
  • Notably, the instructions recommend saying for all these people but only provide the text in singular masculine. The more common use case is the plural: יהי רצון שלא יבושו בעלי הבית בעולם הזה ולא יכלמו לעולם הבא ויצליחו מאד בכל נכסיהם ויהיו נכסיהם ונבסינו מוצלחים וקרובים לעיר ולא ישלוט שטן לא בעשי ידיהם ולא במעשי ידינו ואל יזגקק לא לפניהם ולא לפנינו שום דבר הרהור חטא ועברה ועון מעתה ועד עולם
    – Double AA
    May 15 at 13:19

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The Shulchan Aruch is the reference, and it isn't clear either way.

Maybe even the children can say it for their parents and the wife for her husband. The language of the Shulchan Aruch might prefer that an actual guest says it if there is one present, but doesn't actually rule out anyone saying it.

However, you can argue that maybe the Shulchan Aruch is implying that people who live there can't say it as they are not "orchim". It basically says "the oldest should lead the bentching... but if there is a guest, even if he is not oldest, he should lead so that he can bless the host.

It's not clear if that's because we prefer to give that privilege to the guest, or because only the guest can do it. צ׳ע. One of my Rabbonim in Yeshiva was a fan of telling people that everyone should say it, not just the leader of the bentching, fwiw.

I have looked through all of the main discussions on this blessing (even though they are not quoted), and cannot find any explicit discussion about wife saying it for husband, fwiw, so I do not know where your bentcher gets this from. It's not in any of the standard commentaries on S'A, or Tur, or Mishneh Torah, or Smag or any of their commentaries either, as far as I can see.

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  • You're forgetting about zimmun
    – Double AA
    May 15 at 13:15
  • @double not just the leader of the bentching
    – Rabbi Kaii
    May 15 at 14:18
  • Because he's talking about nowadays when most people don't really do zimmun
    – Double AA
    May 15 at 14:23
  • @double please explain in full. FYI, I really do zimmun, and I'm still not understanding
    – Rabbi Kaii
    May 15 at 14:27
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    People can seemingly bless whomever they want whenever they want judaism.stackexchange.com/a/109497/759 The question of who has a mitzva to bless the homeowner during bentching, seemingly depends on who owns the food (see Magen Avraham :2)
    – Double AA
    May 15 at 15:38

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