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According to Pirkei D'Rabbi Eliezer (Ch. 16), a groom is similar to a king (Chosson domeh lmelech).

The Pirkei D'Rabbi Eliezer lists a few points where we see similarities:

  • We praise a groom during the week of festivities

  • The groom wears honorable clothing

  • The groom must feast

  • He may not go out unaccompanied

  • His face shines like the sun.

We find this parallel to a king is taken further by later sources. For example, some Rishonim source the prohibition for a groom to work from the fact that he is like a King.

My question is: Why? What is it about a groom that is comparable to a king?

I'm looking for an answer that will explain the underlying root of similarity, not symptoms in how this is expressed.

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    I don't really understand your question. The source you cited clearly states five different ways with which a groom is comparable and therefore similar to a king. Can you please elaborate on what exactly you are trying to figure out? Are you looking for additional similarities? Something else?
    – Deuteronomy
    Commented Apr 2 at 12:58
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    It seems from Deuteronomy's comment (and the 3 upvotes it received) that you don't understand there to be an intrinsic connection between a king and a groom; they are merely similar in these 5 points. I maintain [albeit mainly from other sources; I concede that the Pirkei D'R Eliezer could be understood that way] that there seems to be an intrinsic connection - a groom is considered like a King, THEREFORE all these similarities exist.
    – chortkov2
    Commented Apr 2 at 17:16
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    Both imagine they have all sorts of power but will be disabused of this notion in time.
    – Avrohom Yitzchok
    Commented Apr 2 at 17:28
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    The Poskim (for example, see Chelkas Mechokek and Beis Shmuel to Rema EH 64:1. There are many other examples) understand that there is an inherent similarity which is the cause for the halachos, not that the halachos themselves are the similarity.
    – chortkov2
    Commented Apr 2 at 19:37
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    Editing to include your interpretation of said poseqim and the premise you believe that emerges from that would improve and strengthen your question.
    – Deuteronomy
    Commented Apr 2 at 21:15

3 Answers 3

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Rav Shlomo Kluger explains:

דבמלך כיון דעלה לגדולה מוחלין לו כל עונותיו כמו שלמדו חז"ל מפסוק בן שנה שאול במלכו וחתן נמי כיון דהנושא אשה מוחלין לו עונותיו וכמשאחז"ל ביבמו' הנושא אשה עונותיו מתפקקין ולכך דומה למלך

Since a King ascends to greatness his sins are forgiven, like Chazal learn from the verse, "One year was Shaul's reign" (Shmuel I 13:1) [- refer to Rashi there who explains that Shaul was like a one year old, who did not experience the taste of sin.] and a groom likewise, since he marries a woman he is forgiven for his sins. Like Chazal in Yevamos 63b explain, "Once a man marries a woman his iniquities crumble", therefore he is comparable to a king.

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It is as a blessing which comes from Mishlei 12:4: A capable wife is a crown for her husband, but an incompetent one is like rot in his bones. At a wedding the young couple is being blessed to build בית נאמן בישראל - the family that other Jews will find worthy of trust and that the girl will be a skilled and industrious wife and the guy will be a successful man.

Mishlei 14:1 gives a complementary point: The wisest of women builds her house, but folly tears it down with its own hands.

There used to be a well-known advice of an older woman to her newly-wed grand daughter, that if she wanted to feel herself as a queen, she should treat her husband as a king. But if she demanded being a queen from her husband - that will be the second part of the verses in Mishlei.

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  1. הקב"ה is called מלך.

  2. He is also called a groom because throughout the Galut he is constantly preparing to marry the שכינה.

  3. Therefore הקב"ה is both a king and a groom.

Sources:

1: You will find this anywhere (כתבי ארי וזוהר) but I looked for an exact source and found it in

רגל ישרה למרצ"א: פתיחות א. מלך ב. הקב"ה

2: עץ חיים

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