How do we determine which traditions of our ancestors to uphold? For instance, the act of Yaakov kissing Rachel before marriage or women playing drums are practices from the past that definitely don't align with modern norms. (If someone has any other examples of us not following in our predecessors' ways please let me know)
Where do we establish boundaries on what lessons to glean from our "Avos"?
The paradigm is: מעשה אבות סימן לבנים. Tur HaAroch to Bereshit 33:15, Torah Ohr to VaYishlach 4:23
The actions of the Patriarchs are a sign, a path-marker on the way (to act), for the descendants.
And also: שמע בני מוסר אביך ואל-תטש תורת אמך. Mishlei 1:8
Listen and understand, my children, the tradition (and dedication) of your Patriachs and do not abandon the instruction of your Matriarchs.
And this is understood as: תנו רבנן, אין אבות אלא לשלשה, ואין קורין אמהות אלא לארבע. Berachot 16b
Our Rabbis learned, there are no Patriachs but for three (Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaacov), and none are called Matriarchs but for four (Sarah, Rivkah, Leah and Rochel).
Are those seven your Patriarchs and Matriarchs? If so, then the paradigm may apply.
The words of the specific paradigms are unqualified. Each specific case needs to be assessed in the context of whether the paradigm applies or not to a given situation.
