Is the matter of Mitzvah Kibbud Horim (respecting parents) a matter of the son towards his parents? Or if it is possible to send the grandson who is younger, more enthusiastic to help the grandfather and grandmother and has more free time. And can the father in the meantime study Torah or help with other things that the grandson (son) cannot help with?
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The Gemara Kiddushin 31B brings a story about Avimi which shows the importance of doing the mitzvah yourself:
אָמַר רַבִּי אֲבָהוּ: כְּגוֹן אֲבִימִי בְּרִי קִיֵּים מִצְוַת כִּיבּוּד. חַמְשָׁה בְּנֵי סְמִיכִי הֲוָה לֵיהּ לַאֲבִימִי בְּחַיֵּי אָבִיו, וְכִי הֲוָה אֲתָא רַבִּי אֲבָהוּ, קָרֵי אַבָּבָא, רָהֵיט וְאָזֵיל וּפָתַח לֵיהּ וְאָמַר: אִין, אִין, עַד דְּמָטֵאי הָתָם
Rabbi Abbahu said: One such as Avimi, my son, properly fulfilled the mitzva of honoring his parents. The Gemara relates: Avimi had five sons during his father’s lifetime who were ordained to issue halakhic rulings, and he too was ordained. And yet when Rabbi Abbahu, his father, came and called at the gate to enter, Avimi would himself run and go to open the door for him. And before he arrived there, he would already say: Yes, yes, so that his father would not think that he was being ignored. (Sefaria)
Rashi on that Gemara points out why he did this:
ואפילו הכי כי הוה קרי ר' אבהו אבבא היה אבימי רץ ופותח לו ואינו מניח לאחד מבניו לילך
But even so, when Rabbi Abbahu called at the gate, Avimi would run and open [it] for him and he would not let one of his sons go [do it]
The Meiri points out that this teaches us, even a son who is a talmid chacham and older already, should still do the mitzvah himself:
אפילו היה הבן תלמיד חכם וכן שהוא גדול בשנים אין לו להקל בכבוד אב ואם דרך הערה אמרו על אבימי בנו של ר' אבהו שהיה תלמיד חכם וכן שהיה גדול בשנים עד שהיו לו חמשה בנים בעלי הוראה ואעפ"כ אמרו עליו כי הוה אתי אבוה וקרי אבבא רהיט ואזיל ואמר אין אין עד דמטי התם ופתח ליה
Exactly, how to understand all this, seems to be the matter of debate. If it is just a better way to do the mitzvah, “mitzvah bo yoser mibshlucho”, or is it a part of the actual mitzvah.
The Zera Emes in 2 YD 148 says that Avimi’s sons would have been his shliach but he still preferred to do it himself even though the mitzvah could’ve been accomplished with a shliach.
The Machaneh Chaim CM 29 says that there’s a part of the mitzvah that requires the son to actually do the kibbud himself. Although the Mitzvah can still be accomplished through a shliach, there’s a part of the positive commandment to actually do it, like tefillin.
I got these last two sources from this site in the footnotes. Here is how they wrap up the practical application of this halacha:
It is possible to fulfill the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents through hiring someone to do so on one’s behalf.[17] One may even hire a Gentile for this purpose.[18] Nonetheless, as is the general rule, it is a greater mitzvah for one to personally serve and honor his parents then to do so through a hired emissary. This applies even if the son is a Torah scholar.[19] Furthermore, from some Rishonim it is evident that the main mitzvah is only fulfilled when one personally attends to his parent, even if he could do it through an emissary.[20] If, however, the son lives a distance from the parent, or simply does not get along well with them, then he may hire someone to provide them their needs rather than do so himself.[21] In such a case, it is proper for one to pay the emissary for his troubles, even if the emissary is willing to do so for free.[22] Nonetheless, if the parent desires that specifically his son care for him, then he cannot delegate the duty to another person to do so, and is even to live next to his parents for this purpose.[23]
