Recently a relative of mine who is a widow got engaged. The children were told that the Minhag is that children do not attend a wedding of their parents. What is the source of this Minhag? What is the reason?
asked Feb 1, 2012 at 1:28
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1I know someone whose parents hadn't had a halachic wedding originally, so they had a low-key ceremony, with their Rabbi and children in attendance, when becoming ba'alei teshuva.– Isaac Moses ♦Feb 1, 2012 at 2:07
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1The minhag likely exists for parents who are not widows :)– aviFeb 1, 2012 at 11:50
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2 Answers
Per Ohr.edu in the name of Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv Shlita, Children have a Chiyuv to respect their parents even after the parents have passed away. Attending the marriage of a surviving parent would be disrespectful to the deceased parent.
See Hirhurim for more reasons.
answered Feb 1, 2012 at 2:25
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1From your linked hirhurim article: "Most children do not attend the remarriage of their widow mother, either. It seems, however, that this is more for emotional reasons than halachic ones." Therefore, it would seem that if a child (especially an adult child - 12/13+ ) - WANTED to attend a widowed parents wedding, he/she would be allowed to do so.– user1095Feb 1, 2012 at 9:32
I know of a family where the mother passed away at a young age, leaving her husband and 5 or 6 children, the youngest of whom was around three. I suppose because of this the husband re-married before a year had passed. Before the wedding one of the sons told me that he and his siblings would attend the wedding out of kavod for their father. And this while they were still in mourning.
He said his father had told him this from Rav Moshe Feinstein. If someone could find a source I would be grateful.
