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I am looking for what I thought was a gemara I learned a long time ago somewhere in moed but can't find now (I am still fairly sure it is there but it might very well not be). It effectively stated the curse of teshuka/need women have for their husbands actually was a blessing because it made men seek women.

Does anyone know where this aggada is?


EDIT: I have found it and posted as an answer; would anyone be willing to bring any commentaries or explanations of this? What exactly in man is responding to this need and what is the result within man that causes him to run around looking for a wife?

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  • See the end of the third chapter of Gemara Niddah
    – שלום
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 15:05
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    I think you're misinterpreting it. It's not saying the curse itself is a blessing, but that it's accompanied by mitigating countermeasures. So ואל אישך תשוקתך is mitigated by הכל רצין אחריה.
    – shmosel
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 18:29
  • @shmosel maybe, although there are those that hold like that. See my comments to shmuel below. I have to go now, shabbat shalom
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 18:39

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Found it, Yoma 75a:

תַּנְיָא, אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹסֵי: בּוֹא וּרְאֵה שֶׁלֹּא כְּמִדַּת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מִדַּת בָּשָׂר וָדָם. מִדַּת בָּשָׂר וָדָם: מַקְנִיט אֶת חֲבֵירוֹ — יוֹרֵד עִמּוֹ לְחַיָּיו. אֲבָל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵינוֹ כֵּן: קִלֵּל אֶת הַנָּחָשׁ, עוֹלֶה לַגָּג — מְזוֹנוֹתָיו עִמּוֹ, יוֹרֵד לְמַטָּה — מְזוֹנוֹתָיו עִמּוֹ.

With regard to the same topic, it was taught in a baraita: Rabbi Yosei said: Come and see that the attribute of the Holy One, Blessed be He, is different than the attribute of flesh and blood. The attribute of flesh and blood is that one who seeks to provoke another harasses him in all aspects of his life, but the Holy One, Blessed be He, does not act in this way. He cursed the serpent and what happened? When the serpent goes up to the roof its food is with it, and when it comes down its food is with it. Consequently, the curse that it suffers does not ruin its life but rather benefits it.

קִלֵּל אֶת כְּנַעַן, אוֹכֵל מַה שֶּׁרַבּוֹ אוֹכֵל וְשׁוֹתֶה מַה שֶּׁרַבּוֹ שׁוֹתֶה. קִלֵּל אֶת הָאִשָּׁה — הַכֹּל רָצִין אַחֲרֶיהָ. קִלֵּל אֶת הָאֲדָמָה — הַכֹּל נִיזּוֹנִין הֵימֶנָּה.

Similarly, He cursed Canaan that he should be the servant of servants, but he benefits somewhat from this. He eats what his master eats, and drinks what his master drinks, and does not worry like a free man does. He cursed the woman and everyone pursues her to marry her. He cursed the land after the sin of Adam and Eve, yet everyone is sustained from it. Even when God is angry, He does not punish His creations severely.

(translation with Steinsaltz comments included)

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  • Comment as per your request in the question: does this Gemara not teach us that G-ds response differs from that of us humans? If someone wronged us, we react differently than G-d does, that's what the Gemara is saying, right?
    – Shmuel
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 13:03
  • @Shmuel yes, however I didn't mean that, sorry. I mean specifically some commentary or fleshing out of this "men run after women to marry them in response to the teshuka" part
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 13:04
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    Yes, to me it sounds logical. G-d cursed the woman. Yet, it is in the nature of man that we still "run after them" We don't look at the curses, we see "over them" so to speak. Does that make sense?
    – Shmuel
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 13:09
  • @Shmuel absolutely beautiful and if you can find a source would be a good answer. Would be interesting to fit that with the gemara which is all about showing how they aren't really curses (and a wife needing her husband doesn't seem like a difficulty to the husband to "see past"?). Alter Rebbe says they are called curses so they don't have to pass through the Beis Din Shel Maala on their way down like normal brachas do
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 13:57
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    IsraelReader I've rolled back your revision. As I stated, I am using the Steinsaltz commentary. If you wish to change that please suggest it in a comment and explain why and I will consider it.
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Jun 2, 2023 at 17:04

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