What is the Jewish position regarding the status of the beginning of a marital relationship? Should you look for the person with the greatest possible affinity with you or should the component of passion not be discarded? I see rabbis advising people to look for spouses through ideological and religious affinity against that modern idea of "love at first sight" or something deeper that ignores every context you find yourself with that person. So what does Judaism actually work for? Is passion a bad adviser? Or should the cold and calculating search for a spouse prevail over the deepest feelings?
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What are you calling passion? Are you not passionate about the foundational things upon which your life is built on?– DudeFeb 26 at 23:46
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The conception of passion differs from love for not seeing flaws or a pathological attitude, so I questioned whether it is a bad adviser in the search for a spouse and if only the cold and calculating question of affinity should be the north in the search for a partner . Does Judaism recognize this inclination? Is she bad? How should it be viewed? Would the simple search for affinity be enough to have a lasting marriage?– ThalesFeb 27 at 0:08
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1I believe many people will say that one should search for affinity, and then see if some passion is developed. This is to avoid passion leading to a match that is going to a mismatch. However, I don't believe anyone would argue that affinity devoid of passion is sufficient, rather both are necessary.– אילפאFeb 27 at 0:51
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So passion as you are defining is "not seeing flaws"? Sounds like how to create shalom bayis. If course being overly stringent when looking at a potential mate is not especially great when we are all imperfect. I'm not sure I'm following how this need to be an either or for how to pick your spouse– DudeFeb 27 at 0:55
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1Please don't marry someone to whom you feel zero attraction. The Talmud prohibits marrying someone sight-unseen because it will only lead to contempt later on, and that will violate "love your fellow as yourself." But this question seems to posing a false choice.– ShalomFeb 27 at 1:04
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