In my life experience, both as being a child and a parent, and having spoke to my Rabbis, it seems that fathers have a need to pass on their advice to children, and yet children have a need to prove to their fathers that they are competent. This can clash, a child reluctant to take advice as it denies him a chance to show his parent he could have done it himself.

Is there any advice out of this little trap in any Torah sources, including contemporary Rabbonim, where a father is able to pass on his advice to a child in a way the child listens to and appreciates, and still make the child feel that the father is impressed with and proud of his competence?

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    Well if you are mechanech them well enough in kibbud av v'eim before they get old enough, it would presumably make it less of a problem.
    – Kovy Jacob
    Dec 27, 2022 at 5:05
  • can you give an example of where it would clash please? I would need an example to ground the question Feb 13 at 12:26
  • @fulltimekollelguy my kids are still too young, I don't know. The only thing I can think of off hand would be examples from my own childhood, where my father would want to give me lots of advice about how to handle money, but I wouldn't want to listen and would want instead to show him that I know what I am doing. Does that help? A Torah example might be advice on how to learn or keep halacha I guess? How to avoid temptation? How to treat one's spouse before getting married? It can also be lots of tiny little things each day. This advice is one way of showing love for the old generation!
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Feb 13 at 14:09
  • @RabbiKaii can you explain what you mean when you say: "and yet children have a need to prove to their fathers that they are competent." Mar 6 at 6:33


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