I am not sure if this question is appropriate for this site. It is not exactly an academic issue. Let me know if it is not appropriate. I started to become religious about 8 years ago. I started giving significantly more charity than I had in the past about 4 years ago. I have a question. I don't know how to handle it. A rabbi, I guess I should say my rabbi, asked me to donate to a project. I wasn't sure it was in my budget but I decided to do it. I didn't give it all at once but within 2~3 months I did (I think). I asked if there could be a memorial placard for someone and they said yes. I visited the schul for a couple of years and always looked to see if this project had been completed but never saw it. Finally I asked about it. I live very far from the schul and cannot attend more than a few times a year so I asked for a picture. They said it wasn't cleaned up yet but it would be. Finally they sent a picture but there was no memorial. I asked about it and they said of course they were going to do it. But I never heard back and I asked a few times after that but it didn't get resolved. I checked and to make a memorial placard would cost virtually nothing (maybe a hundred dollars at the most). I feel unsettled by all this. Does anyone have some way I should think about it? Some perspective on it?

  • Hi and welcome to the site. To clarify, from your perspective, was the placard a condition of your donation?
    – Harel13
    Dec 18, 2022 at 15:44
  • As I was donating we spoke about it (about 2.5 years ago) it was agreed and then this past late summer it was repeated. I have felt they are my Jewish family (of course all my family is Jewish but they are very Jewish) and they have been always available and so on. Honestly I wish I hadn't given anything because I prefer just having a simple and good relationship, not clouded with this kind of nonsense. I know they have been very busy. When I say that I wish I hadn't donated, it is not that I really care what they did with the money. But there is some awkwardness.
    – onyourmark
    Dec 18, 2022 at 16:09
  • 1
    Hi onyourmark. Sorry you're going through this and thank you for your generosity. This site isn't really set up to handle personal open-ended questions like this. I recommend finding someone you trust to discuss this with. I hope you can all come to an amicable resolution soon.
    – Double AA
    Dec 18, 2022 at 16:29
  • Thanks, the thing is, I wonder if speaking about it to someone would be considered Lashon hara. I guess that is a question that is relevant to this site? Also, I just want to add that when I grew up we were a member of a very large reform synagogue (one of the largest in the world). Of course this kind of thing would never happen in that kind of scenario. Anyway, may I change the question to, would discussing this be lashon hara? Thanks.
    – onyourmark
    Dec 18, 2022 at 20:49


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