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Is it Lashon Harah if I am speaking true, non-condemning facts about a person to someone who has no idea who I'm talking about? (i.e I don't say their name and they wouldn't know who it was anyway, or I say 'my parents' to people who don't know/will never know my parents). Sometimes I want to talk about things that are bothering me or even that I'm only thinking a lot about, and other people might be able to offer some insight.

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1] non-condemning facts From What is Lashon Hara? Torah.org

Lashon Hara is any derogatory or damaging statement against an individual. Rambam says, “Anything which, if it would be publicized, would cause the subject physical or monetary damage, or would cause him anguish or fear, is Lashon Hara.”

so non-condemning facts are not Lashon Hara.

2] about a person to someone who has no idea who I'm talking about From Chofetz Chaim: Ethics of Speech, Torah.org

The prohibition against speaking Lashon Hara applies even if, at the time of the conversation, the speaker does not identify the subject about whom he is speaking against. Even if the speaker only relates the story without mentioning the parties involved, yet from the details of the story the listener discerns which person the speaker refers to, the information is Lashon Hara.

If the hearer would never have an idea who you are talking about it is not Lashon Hara.

3] Sometimes I want to talk about things that are bothering me or even that I'm only thinking a lot about, and other people might be able to offer some insight.

From Laws of Lashon Hara While Venting, Chabad Info, Rabbi Y Y Braun

If necessary, one may vent about an insult etc. and include the person’s name, provided one meets the following conditions:

  1. The objective is only to vent so that you feel better and nothing else. The venting is what makes makes you feel better and not putting someone else down.

  2. Speaking directly to the person who insulted you etc. would not be productive.

  3. You do not have any other options to make yourself feel better.

  4. You are talking about something that you experienced directly and not that you heard from someone else.

  5. Before talking to someone else you must first reexamine the scenario calmly to determine if you are truly in the right and the other person’s action was unwarranted etc.

  6. You may only tell one person.

  7. There won’t be a significant negative fallout to the person who insulted you.

  8. You may not exaggerate and you may not leave out details that would show the other side in a more positive light.

So to relieve your tension, this might be permissible.

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  • I'm not sure Din Online is a reliable resource. Who wrote and reviewed that article?
    – N.T.
    Aug 25 at 15:43
  • Thank you. What is worrying is that no author or reviewer is named. On the other hand, this is indeed the halacha as I remember it. Moreover this site dinonline.org/the-kollel describes the set up of the various activities of the organisation. If I have time, I will try and source this aspect elsewhere. Aug 25 at 16:07
  • @N.T. I have edited the answer using a reliable source. Aug 25 at 16:33
  • That seems more reasonable. For the record I don't consider Chabad a reliable resource.
    – N.T.
    Aug 25 at 22:40

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