I've spent years davening incessantly for a shidduch, and recently I've tried to be more consistent about being kovea ittim, but unfortunately none of it seems to have any impact at all. Are there sources that talk about how you can "motivate" (so to speak) Hashem to listen to your tefillos?

  • 5
    Presumably He already is listening and responding no[t yet].
    – Double AA
    Commented Jan 13, 2022 at 20:23
  • 2
    I think as hard as it is to accept - no tefilla is ever wasted, and pG, Hashem is accumulating all the resultant sechar (reward), to bless you with an extra special wife! Hatzlocho
    – Dov
    Commented Jan 13, 2022 at 20:34
  • 6
    Daven for others that are in need of Shidduchim. המתפלל בעד חבירו הוא נענה תחילה Commented Jan 13, 2022 at 20:52
  • 1
    You really should talk to a Rav to get an idea. There are a myriad of possible reasons why someone doesn't find a shidduch. It could be that it is just not the right time, or it could be something they did that needs fixing, or they need to daven more/better.
    – N.T.
    Commented Jan 14, 2022 at 1:16
  • 1
    Wow, good question. I hope Hashem answers you soon.
    – MichoelR
    Commented Jan 14, 2022 at 19:57

1 Answer 1


Quoting from Adai Ad

Tefillah is not that we are trying to change Hashem’s mind about our lives. It is more about changing ourselves. When we change ourselves, our lives change.

This idea is well-known and accepted. Please read more on the site.

I agree with @N.T. I suggest you first daven that Hashem should open your heart to accept the idea of having a Rav with whom you can discuss your life. Then daven that you should locate this Rav. From then on it should be relatively easier.

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .