I, a non-jew, committed adultery with a woman that is married but lives separated from that man. I was arrogant and soothed my conscience by saying to myself that this man had no interest in his wife anyways because he permitted her to live in separation, and I said to myself that probably their marriage vows were null anyways because they must be atheists or don't believe in G'd anyways. I was unrepentant.

I only realized my sin, when weeks after the intercourse I started manifesting a strange disease, that now happens to be inexplicable to the doctors (a progressive neuropathological disorder). I came to the realization that this is the curse of G'd. Since then I am extremely remorseful. My health is worse every day and I have no happiness anymore.

Is there a way to atone? I understand there is no teshuva for non-jews. What is my other option? Will ending myself be in accordance with G'd's will?

I have read that hell will be interminable for me as adulterer (not only a year).

Sotah 4b:14

  • 8
    If you are contemplating suicide, I urge you to seek professional guidance to help you through your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment.
    – magicker72
    May 23 at 4:06
  • 5
    And NO. Judaism does not recommend, nor condone, suicide -- even if someone feels guilty about a big sin.
    – Shalom
    May 23 at 11:32
  • 2
    In addition to the other responses, I'll add that the Talmud doesn't say an adulterer will suffer for an interminable or indefinite period, but merely that their other merits will not absolve them of some (presumably limited) measure of suffering in hell. But again, (1) a Gentile woman is halachically divorced via moving out of her (ex-)husband's home, (2) repentance in general - which entails confession to God, regret for the sin, and resolution not to repeat the sin - absolves from sin and punishment (one should also seek to make amends with individual's one harmed, if that is relevant)...
    – Fred
    May 23 at 17:30
  • 2
    (3) One should not harm oneself (Bava Kamma 91b), and suicide itself is grievous sin that falls under the category of murder for non-Jews and Jews alike (B'reishis Rabba 34:13). (4) If a person committed serious sins that they repented for, any suffering they may endure during their life - and even their eventual naturally occurring death - can provide a final measure of expiation that would prevent suffering in the hereafter. One may NOT inflict harm on oneself or put oneself into a position to be harmed by others, which would presumably have a negative spiritual effect instead.
    – Fred
    May 23 at 17:56
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    (5) One shouldn't presume to definitively know the spiritual cause of their suffering or fully fathom the will of the Almighty (see God's response to Job in the Book of Job). (6) Although from your description it does not sound like you committed a sin in this particular case, you should know the rule in general that nothing ever stands in the way of repentance (Jerusalem Talmud, Sanhedrin 10:1). (7) To reiterate the top comment: Please immediately seek professional counseling and assistance if you are considering self-harm.
    – Fred
    May 23 at 18:05

I am an Italian Noahide.

Rambam says, in Mishneh Torah-Hilchot Melachim 9:8

When is a gentile woman considered divorced? When her husband removes her from his home and sends her on her own or when she leaves his domain and goes her own way. They have no written divorce proceedings.

Therefore, according to Halakhah as codified by a very great and authoritative Jewish jurist like Maimonides, you did not commit adultery, because this woman lives separated from the man she married, then she is halachically considered divorced.

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