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Is there a source that says that anyone who embarrases or hurts someone verbally loses their mitzvos to the person they hurt, as well as taking the aveiros of the person they hurt? Always heard this, would like a source if this is true.

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    In chovat halevavot
    – kouty
    May 2, 2021 at 18:41

4 Answers 4

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Orchot Tzadikim The Gate of Humility

כי ליום הדין מראים מצוות להרבה בני אדם שלא עשו אותן המצוות ויאמרו הלא לא עשינו זה וישיבו להם אותם שסיפרו עליכם רע הם עשו אלו המצוות ונוטלים אותן מהם ונותנים לכם וכן לרשעים מראים עבירות שלא עשו וכשיאמרו הלא לא עשינו ישיבו להם אלו העבירות עשו אותם שסיפרת עליהם לשון הרע ונטלו מהם ונתווספו עליכם

For on the day of judgement they will show mitzvot to many people that they did not perform. And they will say, "but we did not do this". And they will answer them "those who spoke bad about you performed these mitzot and they were taken from them and given to you. And similarly to evildoers they will show aveirot that they did not do. And when they will say "but we did not do" they will answer them "these aveirot were done by those whom you spoke evil speech about, and they ere taken from them and added to you".

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The idea that one who talks loshon hora about another loses his own zechusim is quoted by the Chafetz Chaim in Shemiras Halahon (Shaar Zechira Ch. 7):

בא וראה עוד כמה גדול ענש העון המר הזה, שבדברי לשון הרע ורכילות שהוא מדבר הוא מאבד את מעט תורה שיש בידו. שזה לשון המדרש שוחר טוב במזמור מ"ב (קהלת ה' ה'), "אל תתן את פיך לחטיא את בשרך", מדבר בלשון הרע וכו', "למה יקצף האלהים על קולך", על אותו הקול שהוצאת בפיך ואמרת לשון הרע על חברך. "וחבל את מעשה ידך", מעט תורה שיש בידך, אתה מאבדה. ופשוט דכונת המדרש הוא כמו שכתבו הספרים הקדושים, שמי שמדבר לשון הרע על חברו, הוא גורם שנוטלין ממנו זכיותיו שעשה עד עתה ונותנין לחברו

The earliest source I've seen for this is from the Chovos Halevavos (Shaar Hachniah):

ואם מה שספרו עליו שלן יאמר למספר אחי אין מן התימה מה שהצילני הבורא מעשות מה שתלית בי אצל רוב הטובות אשר גמלגי אך התימה סתרו עלי במה שהוא יותר מגונה וגדול מאד ממה שספרת עלי, הרף אחי וחמול על זכיותיך שלא תאבדנה ממך ולא תרגיש כי כבר נאמר על אחד מן החסידים שזכרו אותו לרעה וכיון שהגיעו הדבר שלח למדבר בו כלי מלא מזמרת ארצו וכתב אליו הגיעני ששלחת לי מנחה מזכיותיך וגמלתיך בזה,

Another early source is the Orchos Tzaddikim (Shaar HaAnavah). The idea is also mentioned by the R' Yosef Karo (author of Shulchan Aruch) in his sefer Magid Meisharim (Parshas Vayakheil), as a reassurance of the Maggid to R' Yosef Karo:

וגם בענין הקמות אשר קמו נגדך אין להרהר כי הם לא יזיקוך אלא הועילו כי מי שאומר לשון הרע על חבירו מנכין לו מזכיותיו ונותנים וכו' הוא אמת ויציב, ואלו הוי ידעי בני נשא דא הוו חדאין כד שמעין דאמרי ביש מנהון, כאלו יהבי לון מתנת כסף או זהב

However, if one does teshuva, his merits return to him (Chasam Sofer, Drashos Adar 5596) - although it is unclear whether this is only if the victim is mochel, or even without.

There is an interesting discussion whether the victim can do teshuva for his aveiros which were transferred to the slanderer (See Shu"t Oz Nidbaru 14:69, and Ayeles Hashachar Vayikra 19:16; Shu"t Even Yisrael Vol 9, 164:1). See Chikrei Lev (מערכי לב ח"א דף קנד) who assumes that yom kippur does not atone for sins that were 'by the slanderer', and if the victim subsequently forgives the slanderer, the sins will only be atoned the following yom kippur.

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    See also R' Dessler's approach on the topic - Michtav MeEliyahu Volume 4, page 214
    – chortkov2
    May 2, 2021 at 17:22
  • IIRC, R' Refoel Hamburger has an interesting take in his Marpeh Lashon. If anyone has access, I would appreciate...
    – chortkov2
    May 2, 2021 at 17:25
  • Ayeles Hashachar Parshas Kedoshim (19:16): כשימחול למדברים לה"ר עליו, הזכויות יחזרו לזה שדיבר עליו, ומ"מ הזכות שיש לו במה שמוחל, שוקל הרבה כנגד כל הזכויות שעברו אליו והחזירם ע"י מחילתו
    – chortkov2
    May 2, 2021 at 17:47
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As Rabbi Leff mentions in the link from NJM, the source you are probably looking for is the Chovos Halevavos, Sha’ar HaKeniah, Chapter 7. Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler gives an explanation for it, given in that link.
One can suggest a slightly different explanation: Say Reuven sneers at Shimon for something he did wrong, and scoffs that he himself did the same thing right. So what is happening is that Shimon is suffering for the sin he did - and Reuven is enjoying Shimon's sin. Shimon is also suffering for the mitzvah Reuven did, and Reuven is using it to enjoy himself at Shimon's expense. לפום צערא אגרא - the reward for a mitzvah is for the difficulty it involved. Thus, here Shimon deserves to be rewarded for Reuven's mitzvah - which caused him suffering, and conversely Reuven deserves to be punished for Shimon's sin.

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The Rambam (Teshuva 3:14) writes

כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד מֵעֶשְׂרִים וְאַרְבָּעָה אֲנָשִׁים אֵלּוּ שֶׁמָּנִינוּ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֵן מִיִּשְׂרָאֵל אֵין לָהֶם חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. וְיֵשׁ עֲבֵרוֹת קַלּוֹת מֵאֵלּוּ וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁהָרָגִיל בָּהֶן אֵין לָהֶם חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא (וּכְדֵי) [וּכְדַאי] הֵן לְהִתְרַחֵק מֵהֶן וּלְהִזָּהֵר בָּהֶן. וְאֵלּוּ הֵן. הַמְכַנֶּה שֵׁם לַחֲבֵרוֹ. וְהַקּוֹרֵא לַחֲבֵרוֹ בְּכִנּוּיוֹ. וְהַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים וְהַמִּתְכַּבֵּד בִּקְלוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ. וְהַמְבַזֶּה תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים. וְהַמְבַזֶּה רַבּוֹתָיו. וְהַמְבַזֶּה אֶת הַמּוֹעֲדוֹת. וְהַמְחַלֵּל אֶת הַקָּדָשִׁים. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים שֶׁכָּל אֶחָד מֵאֵלּוּ אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא כְּשֶׁמֵּת בְּלֹא תְּשׁוּבָה אֲבָל אִם שָׁב מֵרִשְׁעוֹ וּמֵת וְהוּא בַּעַל תְּשׁוּבָה הֲרֵי זֶה מִבְּנֵי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא שֶׁאֵין לְךָ דָּבָר שֶׁעוֹמֵד בִּפְנֵי הַתְּשׁוּבָה. אֲפִלּוּ כָּפַר בָּעִקָּר כָּל יָמָיו וּבָאַחֲרוֹנָה שָׁב יֵשׁ לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ישעיה נז יט) "שָׁלוֹם שָׁלוֹם לָרָחוֹק וְלַקָּרוֹב אָמַר ה' וּרְפָאתִיו". כָּל הָרְשָׁעִים וְהַמּוּמָרִים וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן שֶׁחָזְרוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה בֵּין בְּגָלוּי בֵּין בְּמַטְמוֹנִיּוֹת מְקַבְּלִין אוֹתָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ירמיה ג יד) "שׁוּבוּ בָּנִים שׁוֹבָבִים". אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁעֲדַיִן שׁוֹבָב הוּא שֶׁהֲרֵי בַּסֵּתֶר שָׁב וְלֹא בְּגָלוּי מְקַבְּלִין אוֹתוֹ בִּתְשׁוּבָה: Each and every one of the enumerated twenty-four different categories of persons, Israelites though they be, have no share in the World to Come. And, there are yet lesser transgressions than those referred to concerning which the sages, nevertheless, said, that he who makes a practice to violate them has no share in the World to Come, and that they are of sufficient importance to be kept at a distance, and to watch out against them. They are: he who gives an alias name to his friend; he who calls his friend by his aliases; he who shames his friend publicly; he who glorifies himself by disgracing his friend; he who insults scholars; he who insults his masters; he who despises holy times; he who profanes holy objects. That is saying, that none of these will have a share in the World to Come, if he dies without repentance; but if he repent from his wickedness and died in a state of repentance, he is, indeed, of the sons of the World to Come, as there is not a thing to stand in the way of repentance. Even if one who denied the existence of God all of his life but in the end repented, has a share in the World to Come, for it is said: "Peace, peace, to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord; and I will heal him" (Is. 57.19). All of the wicked, and apostates and their like who turned in repentance, whether publicly or secretly, should be accepted back into the folds of Israel, even as it is said: "Return ye backsliding children" (Jer. 3.22)—though he still be backsliding, for, 10, he repented secretly and not publicly, yet is his repentence accepted

However, there are multiple layers to this punishment as it doesn't necessarily mean this individual won't be rewarded for his good deeds at some point in the future - though there are opinions - including the Rambam - who may hold such an individual will never be rewarded. Nonetheless, some hold even those stringent opinions still may allow room for such a person to do teshuva and regain Olam Haba.

Regarding the last part of your question, I'm only aware of the "mitzvah transfer" taking place for lashon hara, but even that isn't as simple as what it sounds like at face value.

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  • Does this mean that the person they hurt gets their olam haba (i.e., their mitzvos the abuser did in their lifetime)? And does this abuser get the aveiros of the person they hurt?
    – Moshe
    May 2, 2021 at 4:10
  • I don't understand how this answers the question. The question was, does a person who embarrasses someone lose his mitzvos to that person. The Rambam cited doesn't address that issue at all, only that it's possible to not have a share in the World to Come (which doesn't even mean you lose your mitzvos, just that you won't get them in the WtC. Maybe you'll get paid back in this world etc.) The only relevant point seems the last sentence, which quotes an article that only discusses one aspect of the topic.
    – Binyomin
    May 2, 2021 at 23:08

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