Can anybody send me the source for the custom of inviting deceased relatives (particularly grandparents) to a wedding. I understand that Netai Gavriel discusses the issue but I have no access to that sefer.
I found a number of references to this custom
R Moishe Dovid Lebovits here mentions
Some bring down the custom for the chosson and kallah to go the cemetery to invite their non-living grandparents to the wedding (Refer to Yesod V’shoresh Hu’avoda Shar Hakollel 15:page 692 (new), Maharash Eingel 7:119:page 119, Yismach Lev 1:pages 54-55. Others do not have this custom (Derech Sicha 152)
R Avi Zakutinsky here mentions
- The poskim tell us that the souls of the departed come to the wedding of their children and grandchildren (see Zohar Pinchas, Shu”t Maharash Engel vol. 7 page 119, Yesod Veshoresh Haovodah Shaar Hakolel 15, and Sefer Minhagim Chabad 75)
- Many have the custom that if the chosson or kallah have lost one of their parents, the engaged child goes to the cemetery before the wedding to extend an invitation to the parent who is deceased (see Shulchan Haezer vol. 2 page 137 and Shu”t Mishnah Halachos 5:247). Some write that the source for this custom is the Zohar (Minhag Yisroel Torah on Nisuin page 137)
- It is unclear whether this custom extends to grandparents or other relatives (see Sefer Derech Sicha page 152, Yismach Lev page 55, and Sefer Shaarei Nisuin Miluim 2). The Shulchan Haezer writes that the custom is to invite “the parents and the relatives.” It would seem that he feels that this custom does extend to the grandparents. However, Harav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv zt”l is of the opinion that one need not invite the grandparents who are not alive (Sefer Yivakshu Mipihu page 478)