Putting all jokes (and Purim Torah) aside, a person successfully demonstrated cooking both steak and chicken using a machine that slaps the meat continuously (video here). Albeit they claimed it tasted very chewed up, it was still edible and slightly good. Here and here are some more articles about doing so.
As far as Halacha is concerned, what is the status of such meat? May a non-Jew "cook" meat for a Jew this way? May someone "beat" raw meat on Shabbos and "cook" it (assuming they didn't move it, and it was done manually)? Does the concept of cooking include non-thermal methods?