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If a person's explicit verbiage about someone else is benign on the surface, but has an unexpressed and somewhat nasty thinking behind it, is this considered lashon hara? Are there any guidelines or sources as to how to attenuate those unkind motives which will enhance one's attitude towards others and make one's speech more kindly?

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    It sounds like you are referring to something that actually is a category of Lashon Harah, generally known as Avak Lashon Hara (translated as Dust of Lashon Hara). See a couple examples here and here in the Sefer Chafetz Chaim.
    – Salmononius2
    Feb 18, 2021 at 19:11
  • @Salmononius2 Yes, your second link includes what I have in mind. But perhaps even more stringent. Really what's in one's mind. And I might go so far as to say an negative thought, such as "What a jerk."
    – user24795
    Feb 18, 2021 at 19:19
  • I dont thinking alone without saying anything is included. The basic idea of LH is not to harm someone and this is not done by thinking alone.
    – interested
    Feb 18, 2021 at 19:24
  • Can you clarify what sort of action/thought you are referring to? It sounds like you are equating thought and speech (i.e. the title of your question mentions thinking, while the body of your questions mentions 'communication'. Your comment mentions "what's in one's mind" as well as "say an negative thought" which is speech). Can you clarify what you're looiking for, since there is a huge gap between what one is simply thinking and an action that results from it.
    – Salmononius2
    Feb 18, 2021 at 19:25
  • I have removed most of the extra language from the post in an attempt to make the question clear. Feel free to roll back the edits if you don't like what I did. In general you want to omit any excess sentences and thoughts from the text of your question because it confuses readers and makes it more difficult to answer your question.
    – Baby Seal
    Mar 1, 2021 at 14:07

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Judaism isn't as overtly focused over negative thoughts like some other religions are. The Christians follow a Rabbi who says that someone who murders in their heart or commits adultery in their heart is guilty of the actual thing. Judaism as a whole is not willing to take this stance. Thinking about murder is definitely different than murder itself, since one causes no harm outside the self and the other ends a life. But I believe Judaism still has a concept of the place you let your mind go will eventually be the place your mind spends most of its time. If you let yourself have unchecked fleeting thoughts of adultery, you will eventually have unchecked periodic thoughts of adultery, and then possibly frequent thoughts of adultery. This is not ideal and there is value in trying to prevent your mind from regularly going to such negative places unchecked.

For me, these kind of negative thoughts occur most often when I'm driving in LA. Someone cuts me off, or does something legitimately dangerous and I might have a momentary thought about that person that is terrible. So I apologize to God, in English. Because I know that the more often you let yourself "go there" guilt free, the more likely you will keep "going there."

Another common situation is when I have negative thoughts toward how someone dresses. So I take another moment to apologize to God for judging how a person is dressing, rather than doing the right thing and judging myself for how I looked at them and my emotional response to them. The only one responsible for where my eyes go is me, not someone else.

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    Really like the road-rage remark. Ironically something similar motivated my question. Actually it was pedestrian (me) v. driver rage. Not that I didn't need to ask the question a zillion times already. But this incident and my access to MY gave me the impetus. And with it the self-reflection of how often I react to even the slightest thing that doesn't go my way. But as far as thought go, there's machshava, dibbur, and maaseh (forgive my poor transliteration) and it all starts with thoughts. Either they can be managed, but better if one is not so readily inclined.
    – user24795
    Feb 18, 2021 at 21:50
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Rav Hutner says that the foundational issur of lashon ha'ra is judging unfavourable (dan le'kaf chov).

The lashon ha'ra is an expression of the negative evaluation that you have attributed to the person whom you have judged unfavourably.

So the basic issur of lashon ha'ra is to construe someone else as having negative value.

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  • I really like that analysis (as it's what I think). Did he offer any teaching(s) to remedy it. Thanks.
    – user24795
    Feb 18, 2021 at 23:59
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    @user663837 From a mussar perspective, the antidote is attention to penimiyot over chitziniot. That means that if your aim in life is to achieve concrete goals you are more likely to end up talking lashon ha'ra than if your aim in life is personal growth.
    – The GRAPKE
    Feb 19, 2021 at 0:04
  • Thanks for introducing me to Rav Hutner. An interesting irony in your comment: my penimiyot or the other's? Maybe you could link Rav Hutner's writings on lashon ha'ra in English if available.
    – user24795
    Feb 19, 2021 at 1:52
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    You turned my joke into sound advice: balance.
    – user24795
    Feb 22, 2021 at 23:03
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    @user663837 Reb Tzadok says that the reason Yitzchak was the wealthiest of the avos is that his middah was gevurah and therefore he was able to control unlimited wealth without the money having dominion over him. This seems to be the same idea as the Mahral's explanation of lechem oni being the bread of freedom, the ani is free because he is unadulterated by wealth.
    – The GRAPKE
    Mar 18, 2021 at 17:01

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