On Shabbos, we bless our kids with Brochos to grow like our forefathers/mothers. When my kid announced that he's getting married I exclaimed "may God put your marriage like..." and got stuck because I couldn't remember what Biblical couple is our Jewish standard for a happy and healthy marriage (besides R' Desler, of course :).

Please help, what Biblical couple is considered the standard for happy, healthy and Kosher marital relations?

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    – Joel K
    Nov 28, 2020 at 19:00
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    @JoelK This explicitly hints at procreation only.
    – Al Berko
    Nov 28, 2020 at 19:58
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    First of all Mazal Tov! Second of all I think you mean marriage relationships, not marital relations.
    – user6591
    Dec 4, 2020 at 2:10
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    I think according to Reb Moshe Shapiro - Avraham and Sarah
    – The GRAPKE
    Dec 15, 2020 at 21:21
  • I.e. Reb Moshe Shapiro said that Avraham was ha'chi zachar she'ephshar and Sarah was ha'chi nekevah she'ephshar. (Food for thought in today's bizarre environment...)
    – The GRAPKE
    Dec 15, 2020 at 22:24

2 Answers 2


Reminds me of the four unsung heroes of Judaism who never sinned -- they're all supporting roles to the big biblical heroes. If there's no tension or drama, there's not much we can learn from them.

I would argue for Avraham and Sarah, despite their trials and tribulations (which we wouldn't wish on anyone), for a few reasons:

  • As messy as the business was with Ishmael, it all turned out in the least-bad way possible. The Philistines actually tell Avraham afterwards: God is with you in everything you do. Even when things aren't picture-perfect. (I think of that in the context of several acquaintances who've undergone divorces, but everyone involved emerged okay.)
  • The first words the Torah records out of Avraham's mouth are telling Sarah she's beautiful.
  • There is no Avraham without a Sarah. Avraham is born in Genesis 11:26, and he marries her in 11:29.
  • They have a relationship built on mutual respect. Sarah is not afraid to tell Avraham what needs to be done. Their angelic visitors don't just ask Avraham how Sarah is doing, but the Midrash says they asked her about him.
  • God intervenes, by um creatively restating Sarah's words (who is it that's too old to have kids?) to help their relationship.
  • The Talmud (Bava Basra 58a) tells the story of a rabbi visiting Hebron who encounters the ghosts of Avraham and Sarah a thousand+ years later -- and what are they doing? Sarah is grooming Avraham's hair. It's a nice note that, as one rabbi told me before my wedding, "mother and father are still husband and wife."
  • Please add the source, where in the Talmud can we find the above story?
    – user16403
    Dec 17, 2020 at 1:56

Certainly not Abraham and Sarah. Her insecurity over childlessness causes her to involve Hagar in her sex life, then have Abraham banish her twice, cause her to miscarry, and banish his son.

Dathan and Aviram's wives and children stick with their men and were swallowed in the earth when they could have left. I would nominate them or Solomon and wives #67, #128 , #567-572.

  • I don't think that is either a fair or accurate assessment of Sarah. You paint Sarah as someone with ill intentions she was a tzadekes.
    – Dov
    Dec 17, 2020 at 8:36
  • I think your dogma prevents you from hearnig novel opinions. Dec 17, 2020 at 16:03
  • No I am open to new interpretations providing they come from a trusted source. There are numerous examples in chazal which prevent us from saying certain individuals sinned etc. so we can't just say a blanket statement....
    – Dov
    Dec 17, 2020 at 17:18
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    Dasan's wife? As in Shlomis bas Divri, the one who didn't live up to the standard of ולא נמצא אחד מהם פרוץ בערוה? Who אחת היתה ופרסמה הכתוב? That's your gold standard for a Jewish woman?
    – Meir
    Dec 17, 2020 at 17:33
  • Even is Shlomis is a wife of Dasan, she isn't necessarily the wife who went down in the pit with him and their marriage might have improved in the 40+ intervening years. Righteousness and having a happy marriage are not connected. Moshe was righteous but was separated from his wife. Dec 17, 2020 at 19:52

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