While I know that the practice is to recite the statement of Hamakom when visiting an aveil, what if an aveil craves silence? Mere presence and no noise might be the only comfort that has any real value to that mourner (as per this comment). In that case, can one be yotzei comforting a mourner specifically by not saying anything?

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    Is it permitted to do say something to a mourner if he doesn't want you to? Forget the mitzva of comforting the mourner; it's definitely prohibited to harass a mourner!
    – Double AA
    Jun 22, 2020 at 1:16
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    Job 2:13
    – Double AA
    Jun 22, 2020 at 1:19
  • @DoubleAA re your first comment: This question isn't what's permissible but whether one fulfills a certain mitzva by doing so.
    – msh210
    Jun 22, 2020 at 7:34
  • See here for more - judaism.stackexchange.com/questions/114091/…
    – Dov
    Jun 22, 2020 at 10:37

1 Answer 1


Nitei Gavriel Aveilus1 85:11:14 brings in the name of the Brisker Rav that just going to visit the Aveil, even if nothing is said, is considered Nichum Aveilim.

  • Is this true even if the Avel told people not to come unless they have something to say? (It sounds crazy, but this is worded as a universal principle and not as good advice so I don't know how to take it.)
    – Double AA
    Jun 29, 2020 at 21:07
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    @DoubleAA - I do think the correct thing is to talk and be Menachem Aveil. However based on this from the Brisker Rav I do think if the Aveil wants silence, one who vsits and respects that, is still Menachem Aveil. Jun 29, 2020 at 21:10

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