In the bensching (grace after meals/birkat hamazon) we have the following verse among the הרחמן's:

הרחמן הוא יברך את אבי מורי בעל הבית הזה ואת אמי מורתי בעלת הבית הזה אותם ואת ביתם ואת זרעם ואת כל אשר להם אותנו ואת כל אשר לנו

May the Merciful One bless my father, my teacher, the master of this house, and my mother, my teacher, the mistress of this house; them, their household, their children, and all that is theirs; us, and all that is ours.

Moreover, for those who are married and may have children one adds the appropriate addition of אשתי (my wife), בעלי (my husband) and זרעי (my children)

What happens though if ר"ל anyone of these people die? Do you no longer add them to the verse? And by extension is there a difference between a spouse and parents in as much as a parent can still be regarded a child's teacher even after death?

I am conscious of the thread here - which mentions that nusach Chabad is stil to mention parents that are no longer alive, but what is the prevalent nusach ashkenaz custom?

  • 1
    What does it mean to bless a dead person?
    – Double AA
    Commented May 19, 2020 at 14:38
  • see judaism.stackexchange.com/a/109497/759 as long as it's sensible (see my above comment)
    – Double AA
    Commented May 19, 2020 at 14:42
  • Thanks @DoubleAA for the quick response. Do our blessing not count towards the merits of someone who has passed?
    – Dov
    Commented May 19, 2020 at 14:49
  • Is being blessed a merit? I never assumed blessing someone gives them merits.
    – Double AA
    Commented May 19, 2020 at 14:54


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