The Torah in Kedoshim 19:17 says
לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֨יחַ֙
אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹֽא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא:
17 You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely
rebuke your fellow, but you shall not bear a sin on his account.
One should attempt to get someone to behave properly but rebuke him in such a way as to not cause him to become embarrased or in a way that is counter produductive. Nowadays it is difficult for s person to properly rebuke another person without violating the laws of loshon harah or without embarrasing him. One should often consult a rav as to what should be done and how to do so.
the Rambam says in Hilchos Deos 6:6-8
6 When one person wrongs another, the latter should not remain silent
and despise him as [II Samuel 13:22] states concerning the wicked:
"And Avshalom did not speak to Amnon neither good, nor bad for
Avshalom hated Amnon."
Rather, he is commanded to make the matter known and ask him: "Why did
you do this to me?", "Why did you wrong me regarding that matter?" as
[Leviticus 19:17] states: "You shall surely admonish your colleague."
If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his
colleague] to forgive him, he must do so. A person should not be cruel
when forgiving [as implied by Genesis 20:17]: "And Abraham prayed to
7 It is a mitzvah for a person who sees that his fellow Jew has sinned
or is following an improper path [to attempt] to correct his behavior
and to inform him that he is causing himself a loss by his evil deeds
as [Leviticus 19:17] states: "You shall surely admonish your
A person who rebukes a colleague - whether because of a [wrong
committed] against him or because of a matter between his colleague
and God - should rebuke him privately. He should speak to him
patiently and gently, informing him that he is only making these
statements for his colleague's own welfare, to allow him to merit the
life of the world to come.
If he accepts [the rebuke], it is good; if not, he should rebuke him a
second and third time. Indeed, one is obligated to rebuke a colleague
who does wrong until the latter strikes him and tells him: "I will not
Whoever has the possibility of rebuking [sinners] and fails to do so
is considered responsible for that sin, for he had the opportunity to
rebuke the [sinners].
8 At first, a person who admonishes a colleague should not speak to
him harshly until he becomes embarrassed as [Leviticus 19:17] states:
"[You should]... not bear a sin because of him." This is what our
Sages said: Should you rebuke him to the point that his face changes
[color]? The Torah states: "[You should]... not bear a sin because of
From this, [we learn that] it is forbidden for a person to embarrass a
[fellow] Jew. How much more so [is it forbidden to embarrass him] in
public. Even though a person who embarrasses a colleague is not
[liable for] lashes on account of him, it is a great sin. Our Sages
said: "A person who embarrasses a colleague in public does not have a
share in the world to come."
Therefore, a person should be careful not to embarrass a colleague -
whether of great or lesser stature - in public, and not to call him a
name which embarrasses him or to relate a matter that brings him shame
in his presence.
When does the above apply? In regard to matters between one man and
another. However, in regard to spiritual matters, if [a transgressor]
does not repent [after being admonished] in private, he may be put to
shame in public and his sin may be publicized. He may be subjected to
abuse, scorn, and curses until he repents, as was the practice of all
the prophets of Israel.