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I was planning to learn Python, but then I remembered that:

הנחש מועד לעולם

So if I code badly in Python, I would have to pay full damages.

Also I believe Rabbi Eliezer praised anyone who killed a Python even on Shabbat.

So what would be a better language to use from a halachic perspective?


This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

7

The Posuk in Yishayahu 55:8 says:

כִּ֣י לֹ֤א מַחְשְׁבוֹתַי֙ מַחְשְׁב֣וֹתֵיכֶ֔ם וְלֹ֥א דַרְכֵיכֶ֖ם דְּרָכָ֑י נְאֻ֖ם יְהוָֽה׃

For My computers are not like your computers, nor your ways like my ways, says Hashem.

While the first part of the pasuk is clear, there is a Machlokes as to what "ways" refers to. Most mefarshim assume it is saying Hashem uses a different computer language. Thus, the Pasuk is saying: not only does Hashem use a different computer architecture, but our languages won't even compile on his machine.

Further, the pasuk in Bereshis says:

וַיַּ֣רְא יְהוָ֔ה כִּ֥י רַבָּ֛ה רָעַ֥ת הָאָדָ֖ם בָּאָ֑רֶץ וְכָל־יֵ֙צֶר֙ מַחְשְׁבֹ֣ת לִבּ֔וֹ רַ֥ק רַ֖ע כָּל־הַיּֽוֹם׃

So we see our computers are not only different than God's, but inferior.

When Chazal said:

הנחש מועד לעולם

They were refering to the divine computer. As we saw from Yishaya, any human made language does not compile on the divine computer, which is why python is considered bad in that context. As the torah says:

יֹּאמֶר֩ יְהֹוָ֨ה אֱלֹהִ֥ים ׀ אֶֽל־הַנָּחָשׁ֮ כִּ֣י עָשִׂ֣יתָ זֹּאת֒ אָר֤וּר אַתָּה֙

But this is specifically in the context of Gan Eden, IE the the heavenly computer.

In regards to the human computer, which is what man is forced to use after leaving Gan Eden, python is no better or worse than any other language.

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    I think you just reasoned through to Turing-equivalence among Turing-complete languages. – Codes with Hammer Feb 28 at 16:42
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It depends of course on what kind of program you're trying to write. If you're programming orbital mechanics or anything else related to astronomy, then Hashem recommends Haskell, as it says in the piyut (liturgical poem) called Keil adon:

טוֹבִים מְאוֹרוֹת שֶׁבָּרָא אֱלֺהֵינוּ
יְצָרָם בְּדַעַת בְּבִינָה וּבְהַשְׂכֵּל

Tovim m'oros sh'bara Elohenu
Yetzaram b'da'as, b'vina uvHaskell

Good are the luminaries which our God created
He made them with understanding, wisdom, and Haskell

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3

Python is the cleverest language

וְהַנָּחָשׁ֙ הָיָ֣ה עָר֔וּם מִכֹּל֙ ... אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשָׂ֖ה יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהִ֑ים And Python was the shrewdest of all the [programming languages] that the LORD God had made.

We know that just as the righteous are held to a high standard, those who program in Python are as well. If you choose to use the cleverest language, you must pay full damage for your errors. So what a LISP or Haskell programmer might have to pay only half damage, a Python programmer must pay full damages.

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3

Clearly, it is דאוריתא that C++ is the best programming language.

Everybody knows the programming languages beginning with C were created on the third day of creation:

וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים, יִקָּווּ הַמַּיִם מִתַּחַת הַשָּׁמַיִם אֶל-מָקוֹם אֶחָד, וְתֵרָאֶה, הַיַּבָּשָׁה; וַיְהִי-כֵן. וַיִּקְרָא אֱלֹהִים לַיַּבָּשָׁה אֶרֶץ, וּלְמִקְוֵה הַמַּיִם קָרָא יַמִּים; וַיַּרְא אֱלֹהִים, כִּי-טוֹב. וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים, תַּדְשֵׁא הָאָרֶץ דֶּשֶׁא עֵשֶׂב מַזְרִיעַ זֶרַע, עֵץ פְּרִי עֹשֶׂה פְּרִי לְמִינוֹ, אֲשֶׁר זַרְעוֹ-בוֹ עַל-הָאָרֶץ; וַיְהִי-כֵן. וַתּוֹצֵא הָאָרֶץ דֶּשֶׁא עֵשֶׂב מַזְרִיעַ זֶרַע, לְמִינֵהוּ, וְעֵץ עֹשֶׂה-פְּרִי אֲשֶׁר זַרְעוֹ-בוֹ, לְמִינֵהוּ; וַיַּרְא אֱלֹהִים, כִּי-טוֹב. וַיְהִי-עֶרֶב וַיְהִי-בֹקֶר, יוֹם שְׁלִישִׁי.

And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called the Seas: and God saw that it was good. And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And the evening and the morning were the third day.

But even though God separated all the C's from the land on that day - C, C#, Objective-C and so on - it is surely C++ that was recognized as superior, by God having twice acknowledged an improvement over just a plain C day: Twice-good, Twice-plus'ed. C++.

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1

Simple answer, my friend. Tehillim (Psalms) 94:11 says:

ה' יֹ֭דֵעַ מַחְשְׁב֣וֹת אָדָ֑ם כִּי־הֵ֥מָּה הָֽבֶל

God knows that man's computers are futile.

Using computers is a complete waste of time and accomplishes absolutely nothing useful. You can accomplish much more using your own brain instead of a computer's brains. Therefore, if there are no computers, you don't need any computer languages at all!

Come on, Daniel! You're a smart guy. I figured you'd know this, yourself. Come to think of it, why am I typing this answer on a computer, right now? I'm wasting my time!

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  • רבות מחשבות בלב איש ועצת ה' היא תקום – Mordechai Mar 2 at 21:08
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    @Mordechai Thanks. You're further proving my point. The heart is filled with digital machinery. At the end, the only thing that keeps it beating is Hashem's advice on whether it should continue or not. I.e., Hashem is the only true programmer. – DanF Mar 2 at 21:17
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We say daily in Shemoneh Esrei, אתה חונן לאדם דעת - You graciously grant man knowledge.

Now the word דעת actually has a double meaning: mental activity, and carnal relations (as in והאדם ידע את חוה אשתו). It follows, therefore, that we are thanking Hashem for granting us the ideal possible programming language: brainf*.

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The answer is clearly Haskell, as it says in the navi yirmiyahu. השכל וידוע אותי

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