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1) Am I an onen/ do I sit shiva every time my phone dies? 2) If I see a dead phone and nobody is taking care of it, do I have to take care of it, per the rules of meis mitzva? 3) May a Kohen touch or be in the same building as a dead phone? Does it matter if it’s his phone? 4) Do any of the above apply to a non-Jews phone, or a phone made by a non-Jewish company?
In short, which halachos of dead people apply to dead phones?
Rather than answering each of your questions, I'll give you a far shorter answer of what you should do when you have a dead phone.
Have you noticed that the Urim Vetumim looks like a telephone? Yup! The phone has twelve buttons arranged in 4 rows just like the Urim Vetumim.
Look at Shmuel (Samuel) I chapter 28. King Sha'ul is about to fight war with the Philistines. He asks for help from the "Jewish telephone" and gets no answer. His phone is dead. So, he disguises himself and goes to see a witch.
So, there's your answer. When your phone is dead, disguise yourself and visit a witch.
