During a divorce proceeding, should the husband's wife ideally be given the Gett in person, even if she lives ~3000 miles away? (The divorce is consented by both parties and they are relatively amicable.)
Should great effort be made to do the Gett in person in this case? Or is it perfectly acceptable to appoint a schliach to deliver the Gett? And in that case, is there something spiritually that one would be missing out on?
There is no question that it is perfectly acceptable to appoint a shaliach (messenger ) to deliver the divorce document (get). The Rambam (Mishne Torah Gerushin chapter 6) writes
(6:3) A husband may [...] appoint an agent to deliver a get to his wife. Such an agent is referred to as a delivery agent (sh'liach holachah). (6:13) Until the get is given to the woman, the status of the divorce is in doubt. Once it reaches her possession, the divorce is definitely binding.
Now the question is whether to write a get is a mitsva. I originally thought it was (based on the Rambam's intro to Sefer Gerushin). When I discussed your question with R Binyamin Tabady, he mentioned the Maharsha writes that it is only a mitsva if the woman behaved improperly (e.g., relations with others), otherwise writing a get is permitted but is in no way a mitsva.
If it is a mitsva, we can build on the gemara in Kiddushin 41a which writes
it is more fitting that the mitzva be performed by the man himself than by means of his agent.
as well as the gemara in Baba Kama 9b which writes that
what Rabbi Zeira said is that for the embellishment of the performance of a mitzva, e.g., to purchase a more beautiful item used in the performance of a mitzva, one should spend up to one-third more than the cost of the standard item used to perform the mitzva.
to suggest that there is a hiddur mitsva (beautification of the mitsva) to do it in person.
But if the divorce is due to personal preferences, e.g., lack of fit between the spouses, then these gemarot don't apply and there is no benefit to giving the get in person.
In all cases, a rabbi who knows the couple should be approached to balance the above sources with his knowledge of the specifics of the situation and help come to a practical decision.
