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This preliminary question asks about what N"D is.

The נהמא דכיסופא is a possible explanation for why should we suffer in this world to receive the reward in the afterworld. I tried to verify that:

  • My father-in-law bought me (us) a new car, he said he loves me. I was very happy and thanked him and felt no shame.

  • My wife bought me a new GoPro, she said she loves me. I was very happy and thanked her and felt no shame.

If this principle seemingly does not work on Earth, why should we feel any shame to receive free gifts from our Father in Heaven/ב"ז (what is נהמא דכיסופא about)?

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    It seems that the shame should come when such gifts are undeserved. In general, no work = undeserved, but not in the cases you describe, since presumably, you have done things to find favor in the eyes of your wife and in-laws. – רבות מחשבות Oct 31 at 15:20
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    @רבותמחשבות What work did I do with my relatives? I stresses that they didn't say "you helped my so here's your reward" the simply love me. Don't you buy stuff to your wife and kids JUST because you love them? – Al Berko Oct 31 at 15:27
  • @AlBerko I agree with what you wrote. G-d loves us. The Torah calls us His children. G-d would be displeased if we study in solitude, disconnect ourselves from society, and refrain from the goods of the world which G-d have made for us. One could be humble and show gratitude, thankfulness, but should never be shameful. Unless they didn't deserve it, but then, they should be more than grateful and return to performing more mitzvot. – Jonathan Oct 31 at 15:36
  • @AlBerko and why do you love them? Why do they love you? Because of the relationship you have built with them... – רבות מחשבות Oct 31 at 16:01
  • @AlBerko You are focusing on the wrong perspective (The perspective of the human observer, the one created). The concept behind 'Bread of Shame' is not to avoid shame. It is to maximize ones ability to appreciate the good (The perspective of the Holy One, blessed be He, the Creator). See the beginning of Derech HaShem by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato for details. – Yaacov Deane Oct 31 at 16:35
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Your premise The נהמא דכיסופא is a possible explanation for why should we suffer in this world to receive the reward in the afterworld is potentially without merit.

The Magid Meisharim writes (Bereishis, 14 Tevet) that this is a spiritual shame:

אבל רזא דמילתא במה דאת מתרץ דנשמתין עד לא אתו לעלמא דמו למאן דאכיל נהמא דמלכא בלא פולחנא ומשום דא אמרו נוח לו לאדם שנברא כלומר דגשמתן מיכספן מגרמייהו למיכל נהמא דמלכא בלא פולחנא ומשום הכי מתאוות למיתי לעלמא ונוח להם להבראות כדי למיפק מההוא כיסופא בעי למיתי להאי עלמא למתעסק בתורה ובמצות לעבדה ולשמרה ויכלון נהמא בלא כיסופא Until souls reach this world, it can be compared to one who eats the King's bread without serving Him. That is why they stated that it is better that one be created. Meaning, the souls feel shame from themselves by eating the King's bread without serving Him. This is why there is a desire to bring them into this world and is it better to be created. In order to deflect that shame, one must come into this world to be busy with the Torah and Mitzvos to do it and guard it; they will then be eating bread without shame.

  • This is exactly what I object: "מיכספן מגרמייהו למיכל נהמא דמלכא בלא פולחנא" - it only applies to servants, not sons or lovers. This is the whole difference. M"M only addresses the part when we refer to ourselves as servants - עבדים and forget when we call ourselves בנים. So your answer does not address the status of lovers. – Al Berko Oct 31 at 21:59
  • Good point however, the two are not comparable and this is an answer I’d stand in front of – Dr. Shmuel Oct 31 at 22:11
  • If your father in asked you to do a favor for him with that car would you feel no shame in refusing? – Meuchedet Nov 3 at 12:52

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