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I am looking for sources that address the wording for a tombstone. I recognise that this is probably dealing with local minhag as set by the chevrei kadisha. 1) order to which relationships should be named on a gravestone? 2) if any of those are already deceased? 3) with broken relationships, not mentioning a family member or altering the order? with thanks,

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    Your assumption in your first sentence is correct. E.g., for the tombstones in the area where my grandparents are buried, the chevra kadisha has set a rule that no English is allowed except for the person's name and date of birth / death. Thus, if you want to say, "Beloved father" it has to be translated to Hebrew. So, I suggest that you either call the Chevra Kadisha and / or cemetery to find out their rules and visit the cemetery and view neighboring graves in the same plot area to get some ideas. If there's something else you seek, please edit the question.
    – DanF
    Commented Jun 18, 2019 at 13:52
  • what informs the chevrei kadisha of their specific guidelines for inscriptions? Do they have sources?
    – Rabmi
    Commented Jun 18, 2019 at 14:28
  • My understanding is that it is local or "inherited" custom. The Chevra Kadisha (C.K.) that manages where my grandparents are buried originated from a cong. in Poland prior to moving (rather escaping) to U.S. much of what I see, esp. drawings such as a candelabra for women, broken tree for young children, etc. seem to be older European customs. This is based on what I had heard from one of the people in charge. It would be tough to research the full origin of the European customs, esp. if the original C.K. members are the ones you're staring at when you visit the cemetery.
    – DanF
    Commented Jun 18, 2019 at 15:20

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