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Nedarim 10:4, dealing with a case where a father has used his authority to marry off his 12-12.5 year old daughter through eirusin and is now finishing the marriage through nisuin, says:

דֶּרֶךְ תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים, עַד שֶׁלֹּא הָיְתָה בִתּוֹ יוֹצְאָה מֵאֶצְלוֹ, אוֹמֵר לָהּ, כָּל נְדָרִים שֶׁנָּדַרְתְּ בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתִי, הֲרֵי הֵן מוּפָרִין. וְכֵן הַבַּעַל עַד שֶׁלֹּא תִכָּנֵס לִרְשׁוּתוֹ, אוֹמֵר לָהּ, כָּל נְדָרִים שֶׁנָּדַרְתְּ עַד שֶׁלֹּא תִכָּנְסִי לִרְשׁוּתִי, הֲרֵי הֵן מוּפָרִין, שֶׁמִּשֶּׁתִּכָּנֵס לִרְשׁוּתוֹ אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְהָפֵר: ‏

It is the way of disciples of the sages, before the daughter of one of them departs from him, he says to her, "All the vows which you vowed in my house are annulled." Likewise the husband, before she enters into his domain would say to her, "All the vows which you vowed before you entered my domain are annulled," because once she enters into his domain he cannot annul them.

The Rambam and Shulchan Aruch pasken the mishnah in this form.

The exact case of the mishnah is not very relevant now, because girls don't get married at that age. However, a similar case is when a girl turns 12.5 and her father loses his authority to revoke her vows. He could say the same thing on the afternoon before her half birthday.

Does anyone recommend do that or do it in practice?

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  • I think since we encourage children not to make promises or vows, maybe its better not to annul their vows as they would treat Nedarim lightly.
    – user15464
    Apr 29, 2019 at 18:28
  • @user15464 should we also tell them not to do hataras nedarim on erev Rosh Hashana (ok, probably not many 12-year-olds do that)? And not to come to shul on Yom Kippur night until after Kol Nidrei?
    – Heshy
    Apr 29, 2019 at 18:38
  • i guess maybe since they come on their own accord to daven on erev rosh hashona they make a hatara for the future themselves as they feel the necessity. But Hafara is against their will. also we pasken the hafara only works for the future the past nedarim that she transgressed are not included so its probably better to annul infront of a chacham
    – user15464
    Apr 29, 2019 at 18:47
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    @user15464 How about Kol Nidrei, which is motivational but halachically does pretty much nothing? also, what's the difference between a girl turning 12.5 and getting completely married through nisuin? The mishnah (and Rambam and Shu"A) explicitly say that in the second case this is a good thing to do.
    – Heshy
    Apr 29, 2019 at 18:48
  • I see, so your question is that the precedent of annuling beore marriage should be a reason to annul before bagrus.
    – user15464
    Apr 29, 2019 at 18:51

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From Halachipedia

The practice of Talmidei Chachamim is to tell their daughters prior to Kiddushin that all Nedarim they have taken are hereby revoked.[20] In fact, Rav Moshe Shternbuch advises even nowadays this should be practiced prior to one's daughter becoming a bogeret and that she should be informed, because a father who compliments his daughter on some good deed might essentially be upholding her Neder to continue doing it.[21]

Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 234:10, Shu"T Teshuvot veHanhagot vol. 1 Yoreh Deah Siman 524

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  • 1
    Thanks for finding this. Actually, Halachipedia is not accurately quoting R' Shternbuch. The teshuvah itself is a better answer to the question than the way they quote it. It's two separate points, and their "because" is out of place and doesn't really make sense. (1) if a father compliments his daughter on a mitzvah that might be counted as a hakamah which would possibly remove any later possibility of hatara (not just hafara!) so be careful with it. (2) It's a good idea to do what I said in the question.
    – Heshy
    Apr 30, 2019 at 12:12
  • Thank you for taking the time to double check the Makor. Yes, it should be clarified that it's relevant nowadays only by becoming a Bogeret. At the same time, doesn't "essentially upholding her Neder" mean Hakama?
    – MDjava
    Apr 30, 2019 at 17:11
  • Yes, "essentially upholding her Neder" means hakama (except that R' Shternbuch is unsure whether a compliment qualifies, not like how Halachipedia portrays him. Probably the real answer is it depends what the father was thinking at the time but in a teshuva he just wanted to give a general rule.)
    – Heshy
    Apr 30, 2019 at 17:17
  • Wonderful, I'll edit my answer so it best reflects that.
    – MDjava
    May 1, 2019 at 0:21
  • How's the above?
    – MDjava
    May 1, 2019 at 17:15

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