Is the prohibition of shomer negia applicable between aunt and nephew? Can you please provide sources?

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    Welcome to Mi Yodeya! Please take a look at our tour for some helpful information about the site. May I ask why you ask specifically about an aunt and nephew, and not more generally about to which relationships Negi'a applies? Including as much information as possible in your question will help answerers to be able to answer it to your liking. I hope you enjoy your time here, and hope to see you around!
    – DonielF
    Commented Mar 25, 2019 at 21:13
  • Beware the answers below which don't give appropriate context for their quotes
    – Double AA
    Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 11:40
  • @DoubleAA Which quotes are pulled out of context?
    – DonielF
    Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 18:22
  • This has been flagged as psak-seeking. Can someone please explain to me why?
    – DonielF
    Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 18:23

2 Answers 2


The prohibition contact applies between an aunt and nephew Rambam Issurei Biah 21,6 and Shulchan Aruch Even Haezer 21,7:

המחבק אחת מן העריות שאין לבו של אדם נוקפו עליהן או שנשק לאחת מהן כגון אחותו הגדולה ואחות אמו וכיוצא בהן אע"פ שאין שם תאוה ולא הנאה כלל הרי זה מגונה ביותר ודבר אסור הוא ומעשה טפשים הוא. שאין קריבין לערוה כלל בין גדולה בין קטנה חוץ מהאם לבנה והאב לבתו
Someone who embraces or kisses a close relative for whom he has no natural attraction, e.g A sister or an aunt (Mothers sister etc.) this is forbidden still very repellent hence forbidden and unsavoury people do such things. There is no allowance for closeness other than for a mother to a son or a father to a daughter (and obviously a man to his wife when she is not Niddah).

It must be noted that the Gra says the Shulchan Aruch and Rambam meant no touching whatsoever

אפילו שום קורבה


The Shulchan Aruch (Even Haezer 21:7) addresses this:

המחבק או המנשק אחת מהעריות שאין לבו של אדם נוקפו עליהם כגון אחותו הגדולה ואחות אביו וכיוצא בהם אע"פ שאין לו שום הנאה כלל הרי זה מגונה ביותר ודבר איסור הוא ומעשה טפשים

To hug or kiss one of the arayos whom people do not normally lust after, such as his adult sister or his aunt or similar, even though he derives no pleasure at all, is very reprehensible, forbidden, and the act of a fool.

Seems to be an open and shut case.


In the English sefer Halacha 24/7/12 (page 404), the author (Rabbi Aharon E. Marcus) notes:

However some contend that if the relatives will be very offended and there's absolutely no sensual thoughts involved at all, then there may be room to take a hug passively.

(see Be'er Hetev 21:12, Chelkas Mechokek 21:8, and Rav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg quoted in "A Gadol in our Midst", page 211)

Bottom Line: the answer seems to be a hard no, unless the aunt would get VERY offended, in which case perhaps a passive hug would seem to be allowed.

To be completely safe, should probably also CYLOR.

  • 1
    +1, I also like the Halacha 24/7/12 book (and actually reread a few sections just yesterday). I would just note he rules for American bnei yeshiva who sometimes come from non-religious families. I had missed this at first reading but it does color some of his psakim where he tries to find heterim for these touchy situations. This might be one of them. Not that the kula doesn't exist and you phrased it very well
    – mbloch
    Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 4:14
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    @mbloch Thanks! I'm a Reishit alumni myself so always happy to quote R' Ari 😀
    – alicht
    Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 4:24
  • Just to clarify, the Shulchan Aruch quoted above starts off seemingly speaking about חיבוק and נישוק. Does that imply that any נגיעה that is not necessarily דרך חיבה is מותר with regards to one's aunt or older sister? E.g. high-five, playing basketball etc. Commented Mar 26, 2019 at 22:34

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