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Bose headphones are great and all, but what's up with Haman's insistence that they should get the Jews' property after his sinister plan was complete?

Haman's affinity for the audio systems company is apparent in a number of places, but see eg Esther 3:13

וְנִשְׁל֨וֹחַ סְפָרִ֜ים בְּיַ֣ד הָרָצִים֮ אֶל־כָּל־מְדִינ֣וֹת הַמֶּלֶךְ֒ לְהַשְׁמִ֡יד לַהֲרֹ֣ג וּלְאַבֵּ֣ד אֶת־כָּל־הַ֠יְּהוּדִים [...] וּשְׁלָלָ֖ם לָבּוֹז׃

Accordingly, written instructions were dispatched by couriers to all the king’s provinces to destroy, massacre, and exterminate all the Jews [...] and their possessions to Bose.

Text and translation adapted from Sefaria.

This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy.

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    Because everybody ignored Achashverosh’s initial edicts, thereby not lending credence to the rulership; so Haman assumed t’was bec they were wearing top-notch noise cancelling headphones - he therefore took his frustration out on Bose. (more corny than ingenious - I know; but that’s what you get for such questions on Purim)
    – Oliver
    Mar 21, 2019 at 20:21

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Normally, the victors of a battle would pool the spoils together and then split them among themselves (similar to ארדף אשיג אחלק שלל, except that as Rashi points out, they typically assigned a lower energy to the king's spoil states so that he would get more, and Paro decided to do without this honor). This follows Fermi Dirac statistics: just like no two fermions can be in the same state, the spoils would be split as evenly as possible.

Another option is a pure free-for-all, where everyone takes their own spoils, following the Maxwell Boltzmann statistics of distinguishable particles.

Haman wanted to use the third possibility: Bose Einstein statistics. Just like bosons are more likely to be in the same state, multiple pieces of spoils would be more likely to go to the same person. He planned a contest where whoever killed the most Jews would get the most spoils, with decreasing rewards for the runners up. This, he thought, would encourage people to kill as many Jews as they could.

When Mordechai wrote his letters, he had to follow the same template as Haman's letters did, but Jews would never participate in a killing contest, so they left the spoils alone.

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Shir HaShirim 8:7 shows that Bose felt the same way Haman did about the Jews:

אִם־יִתֵּ֨ן אִ֜ישׁ אֶת־כָּל־ה֤וֹן בֵּיתוֹ֙ בָּאַהֲבָ֔ה בּ֖וֹז יָב֥וּזוּ לֽוֹ׃

If a man would give all the wealth of his house for love, Bose would scorn him.

And, as per Sotah 21a, “love” refers to love of Torah. Thus, Bose scorned the Jewish people for spending so much on Torah and Mitzvos.

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Tehillim 124:4 says:

הבוז לגאי יונים

Bose is for the contempt of pigeons

I've lived in a few NYC apartments for many years before I move to suburbia. Every morning, I would have a flock of pigeons roost on my A.C. or on the windowsill below it and wake me up at 4 AM with their cooing and fluttering and whatever else they do there early in the morning. I had a whole pigeon family shteiging Daf Yomi and making a siyum. Feh! Why couldn't they pick another place to make all that noise?

Too bad that they hadn't invented Bose noise-cancelling headphones back then! But, that's basically it's purpose. It's for all those people like me who for once can finally wear these things at night to block out the pigeon noise.

Out in suburbia, I don't have pigeons as much. But trust me, cardinals and crows are about as noisy if not noisier. So the Bose works great for blocking out these bird noises too. And the garbage truck and other things!

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Wrong Bose, in this case. The one here is Subhas Chandra Bose, an Indian nationalist leader who allied himself with the Nazis. Haman naturally considered him a kindred spirit, and wanted to reward him with the spoils.

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