8

There is a belief that if one did not make a kiddush for the birth of his daughter and that woman is having a hard time finding a shidduch, then they should make a kiddush and it will help.

I know from a halachic standpoint there isn't any obligation to make a kiddush, so where did this idea come from?

  • Maybe it's because parents who have a strong attachment to their daughter are more likely both to make a kiddush for her and to help her find a shidduch. – Heshy Mar 10 at 15:38
  • 1
    It's a story from some Godol. – Avrohom Yitzchok Mar 10 at 16:15
  • From the title I thought this was going to be a question about making kiddush for an older single girl who doesn’t live with her family. – Alex Mar 10 at 16:16
  • Maybe it comes from the idea that she'll meet bachelors at the kidush. – msh210 Mar 10 at 16:27
  • @Alex I edited in the word "a" before the word "kiddush". – Avrohom Yitzchok Mar 10 at 16:28
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The Rav of Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ debunks the legend about this story here (edited).

So the idea is a made-up story.

Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky, known as The Steipler (1899–1985) was reported to have told a father of a woman who was having difficulty in finding a shidduch that the reason she was experiencing such difficulty was the fact that upon her birth her father failed to make a kiddush in her honor. As brochos are traditionally bestowed upon the new born baby girl for her to grow and marry at the kiddush, since the father did not have a kiddush in her honor no brochus were bestowed and therefore she is now suffering with not finding her ‘bashert’.

This Shtetl Legend appears in Jewish story books and I myself was present at a Kiddush where a Rabbi related the story.

In the Sefer Derech Sicha (volume one page 33) - a compilation of Torah thoughts by Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita (the ONLY son of Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky Zt”l) it is related that when he was told of this ‘quote’ from his father he responded: “Who made this up? Wouldn’t I have heard about it?! He never said to make a kiddush in our family.”

I myself asked Rav Chaim about this Shtetl Legend quoted in the name of his father and he debunked it to me as well while adding, “perhaps for the first daughter you could (if you want) make a Kiddush) however, there is no obligation to make a Kiddush for a daughter at all and my father never said there was.”

Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, Rabbi, Congregation Ahavas Israel, Passaic, NJ

Text of Derech Sicha:

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  • @sam ... and well done to you for accessing the actual text! – Avrohom Yitzchok Mar 10 at 19:53
  • Was he the only Gadol who this "segula" was cited from? Maybe another Gadol actually did start the trend – robev Mar 11 at 14:01
  • The main point is that it does not have a mekor, because if it did Rav Chaim would know – sam Mar 11 at 14:30

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