Is there any advice, recommendation or requirement for a behaviour after a divorce? Specially when a man wants to take a second wife, and his first wife got married and divorced meanwhile.
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1Hello @Dassi, what are the issues you are looking to know about Ie. Relationship with each other, how they are allowed to interact? Or am i missing other elements to your question?– Shoel U'MeishivCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 15:21
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I heard from a rav that since the Torah uses the term kritut which means "cut off", the two spouses should never contact each other for he rest of their lives. To me, this sounds a bit drastic, and is impractical if they have shared child custody. However, I do understand the origin of his thinking.– DanFCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 15:27
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1From the second part of your q it sounds like you're asking if there's any customary civil protocol, e.g. notifying the other of planned second marriage, general cordiality etc. Is this understanding correct?– OliverCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 15:39
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1@DannySchoemann ...or unless she already married someone else– HeshyCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 16:07
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1@Dassi Why should he? He paid the kesuvah and is totally cut off from her.– sabbahillelCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 17:02
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1 Answer
The Kitzur Shulchan Aruch has 2 Halachot related to one's divorcee in סימן קנב - אסור יחוד ושאר קרבות בנשים - though it's irrelevant to him being remarried or not:
While divorcees may not live in the same courtyard, if she remarried and got divorced again then they need to be even further apart and may not even live in the same alleyway, if it's a cul-de-sac.
While she's remarried they may not even live in the same neighborhood. (Neighborhood as defined in Halacha. TBD.)
Unless it's her courtyard, she has to move away from him.One may financially support one's divorcee, and she takes precedence over other needy strangers.
However, the support has to be delivered via a 3rd party, so that they don't deal directly with each other.
סעיף טו': מִי שֶׁגֵרַשׁ אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ מִן הַנִּשׂוּאִין, לֹא תָדוּר עִמּוֹ בֶּחָצֵר. וְאִם הוּא כֹּהֵן, וְכֵן אֲפִלּוּ אִם הוּא יִשְֹרָאֵל וְהִיא נִשֵּׁאת לְאַחֵר וְנִתְגָּרְשָׁה גַם מִמֶּנוּ, וְכֵן מִי שֶׁגֵּרַשׁ אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ מִשׁוּם שֶׁהִיא אֲסוּרָה לוֹ, כָּל אֵלּוּ צְרִיכִין הַרְחָקָה יְתֵרָה, וְלֹא תָדוּר עִמּוֹ בְמָבוֹי, אִם הוּא מָבוֹי סָתוּם. אֲבָל בְּמָבוֹי מְפֻלָּשׁ שֶׁדֶּרֶךְ הָרַבִּים עוֹבֵר בֵּינֵיהֶם, מֻתָּרִים לָדוּר. וּגְרוּשָׁה שֶׁנִשׂאת וְדָרָה עִם בַּעְלָהּ הַשֵנִי, אֵלּוּ צְרִיכִין עוֹד הַרְחָקָה יְתֵרָה, וְלֹא תָדוּר עִם בַּעְלָהּ הָרִאשׁוֹן בְכָל הַשְׁכוּנָה. בְּכָל אֵלּוּ הַהַרְחָקוֹת, הִיא נִדְחֵית מִפָּנָיו. אַךְ אִם הָיְתָה הֶחָצֵר שֶׁלָּהּ, הוּא נִדְחֶה מִפָּנֶיהָ.
סעיף טז': מֻתָּר לְאָדָם לָזוּן גְרוּשָׁתוֹ, וּמִצְוָה הִיא יוֹתֵר מִבִּשְׁאָר עָנִי, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, וּמִבְּשָׂרְךָ לֹא תִתְעַלָּם. וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא לוֹ עֵסֶק עִמָּהּ, רַק יְזוּנָהּ עַל יְדֵי שְּׁלִיחַ.
answered Jan 24, 2018 at 15:31
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This is interesting info. Would you know if anyone (Shu"t, etc.) discusses situations where Dina Demalchuta might override. E.g. the court orders joint custody, or they order one of the spouses not to leave his city (e.g. s/he is an ex-con on probation)?– DanFCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 16:17
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".... should be endowed via a 3rd party" (the source is a drashah from that passuk but no such qualification is given; KSA also doesn't use such prohibitive terminology.)– OliverCommented Jan 24, 2018 at 16:26
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