1

The Zohar* teaches that the penimiut (personal, inner quality, root) of men is Chesed (Kindness), and the penimiut of women is Gevura (Severity/Justice).

I think if you were to ask someone what they think is the penimiut of men and women, before teaching them this Zohar, they would arrive at the opposite conclusion. [Source: far more police officers are men, far more carers are women.]

So, how can we understand the truth vs. the fact here? The truth is men are founded on being givers, and thus kindness, but in fact, men seem to be the "harder" gender, and women, who are founded on justice and severity, seem to be the "softer" gentler gender.

What explains this (seeming) discrepancy?

* Zohar, parashat Tazria p.43a according to this Chabad article, which explains the same: https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/379912/jewish/Shadows-and-Soul-Mates.htm/utm_source/chatgpt.com. Note, I didn't check the source; I asked chatgpt to find an article that discusses this, because I've only seen it discussed in Chassidus, not seen the actual Zohar before, although this principle is well known in Chassidus. If someone finds an issue with this source, let me know, I can find many more)

Improve this question
3
  • 1
    Like I think I wrote to you previously, this pertains to the permutation of G-d’s name from the right, the side of Chesed. That name is טדהד, which is gematria 22, an allusion to the 22 letters of the Aleph-Beit which make up the whole Torah (תורת חיים ותורת חסד) But it is also the small-sum gematria of G-d’s Holy name pertaining to the paradigm of “wife”. That name is צלמו, which is the name intended in the opening of the Amidah by the phrase, אל עליון. That עליון is also צלמו.
    – Yaacov Deane
    Commented Nov 28 at 18:44
  • @YaacovDeane It would be nice to know more about this final point
    – Rabbi Kaii
    Commented Nov 29 at 3:54
  • That עליון is צלמו? It’s a teaching and tradition from Rabbi Moshe Zacuto. You’re not familiar with his sefer, שרשי השמות? It’s a classic that anyone learning the inner parts of Torah should have in their library. But to give you a context for this that you know, this is deeper meaning of the line, אשת חיל עטרת בעלה. That Wife is actually Above the head of Husband.
    – Yaacov Deane
    Commented Nov 29 at 19:32

1 Answer 1

Reset to default
2

I have 2 answers. The first I heard here, and the second was originally my own understanding, and then I found a source, which is quoted:

  • Each gender is given the role that is not already part of their consitution, in order to arrive at shlemut, perfection. I.e. we must rectify the areas we are lacking*.

  • According to this Chida, it's because we are not put "in charge" of roles that we take personally, because it prevents us being objective.

    These examples are based on my understanding of this concept, by me (and are based on stereotypes, apologies). Let me know if you understand differently from the Chida:

    I.e. if a woman senses injustice occuring to her penimiut (her, her children, her loved ones), she is predisposed to be outraged on such a primal level - she takes it so personally - that she might lose her objectivity and overreact, in general. Better that men do the "justising" in society, as they are more likely to be able to keep it together, and stay objective, as "justice" isn't "personal" to them.

    When it comes to men, there are many examples, but for now I will stick to rejection. I would say it's a cultural meme and therefore quite well known and accepted that men find rejection harder tham women do. It is also pretty well known that men find it harder to say no than women, at least in some contexts. Therefore, carer roles where it's important to have an objective take on these human conditions, are best left to women.

* Someone heard this from a quoted Rav, and told me this on this site. I can't remember who or where, so if anyone knows, please let me know and I will make sure to quote them, and the Rav (and link the comment). Thanks!

Improve this answer
2
  • 1
    Regarding Chida, that's the difference between the male gevurah sheb'chesed and the female chesed sheb'gevura which we recite during the Omer. I.e. the male gevura stems from chesed and he is able to be calm when facing injustice, which is ability to give, whereas a woman reverts to her core gevurah and overeacts. When facing rejection - that goes against every fiber of inner chesed of a male and his external gevurah is of no use. While for a woman rejection is in no way a threat as her chesed is external.
    – Y DJ
    Commented Nov 29 at 15:22
  • 1
    Regarding shlemut, an important part of bing shalem is to be appreciative of what one has received as we can find in midrash Eicha Rabba 4:15 sefaria.org/… as I pointed out here judaism.stackexchange.com/a/146189/36610. When men only does chesed and woman only receives and acts upon her gevurah, neither can develop to be appreciative of each other in a relationship.
    – Y DJ
    Commented Nov 29 at 15:27

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .