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Is there a halachic source that allows a man to start shiduch before giving the final Get?

  • the couple doesn’t live together for months
  • legal agreements all signed
  • bet din file open and final get scheduled
  • the soon to be divorced wife gave her consent in writing.
  • the female counterpart (shiduch) is 100% Mutteret, single.

Would it be ok for shiduch to “begin” before a “final get” and maybe which type of shiduch:

  • in person but in private (under supervision)
  • not in person either supervised or not but still under a discrete fashion.
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    Since, technically, he can marry 2 wives, what would the problem be?
    – Danny Schoemann
    Nov 13, 2018 at 12:47
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    Not entirely sure...
    – user21490
    Nov 13, 2018 at 12:47
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    Since we have accepted the cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom to not allow two wives any more, I doubt it. However, this requires a psak. I have heard of a case in which the get was delivered but the secular divorce was not final. However I have not heard of the reverse case.
    – sabbahillel
    Nov 13, 2018 at 14:00
  • @sabbahillel that's to marry two women. Who says it precludes dating for future marriage?
    – robev
    Nov 13, 2018 at 14:13
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    @robev Maybe it’s not technically an issue, but isn’t in the spirit of the Cherem?
    – DonielF
    Nov 13, 2018 at 14:49

2 Answers 2

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  1. One is "forbidden" to "stay unmarried" (Shu"A EHE1:1), therefore a man should take measures to get married ASAP after divorcing. A woman, however, must wait a couple of months to differentiate her children.

  2. The process of Shidduch does not have a Halachic status. Can a man talk to other girls while he's married - YES, can he meet their parents - YES, can he plan his future - YES etc. Even the Wort (Erusin) party is not "officially" Halachic.

  3. There's one subtle and important point though (not so relevant to this specific question, but still) - one is forbidden to have intimate relations in 9 cases (בני ז' מידות) and that includes the following:

    • be intimate with his wife thinking about divorcing her.
    • the same while thinking of another woman.
    • being with another woman while thinking of his [former] wife.

The conditions you mentioned are irrelevant, in relation to his current wife/his fiancee a man is either married or not.

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Since the intention with this new shidduch is to get married and theoretically, the marriage could happen before the get has been given, this would pose a problem of violating the cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom. However, that being said, it is quite possible that the Cherem itself was only said on two wives, and there is no technical problem of going on two dates simultaneously (although unwise, and insulting to the other party).

I would surmise though, that if the intended shidduch is aware that the divorce has not been finalized, it would be in her best interests to wait. Anything could potentially happen.

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