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22

Yes, there is plenty that is worth knowing ahead of time about Orthodox weddings. First, I'll talk a little about what will or might be expected from you at the wedding and then I'll talk a little about what to expect at a Jewish wedding and how it's different from a non-Jewish or non-Orthodox wedding (I'm assuming since you say you've never been to a Jewish ...


16

Per the Igros Moshe the bride does not have to cover her hair until the morning after the wedding. The reasoning is that so long that she retains a public presumption of virginity, she has no obligation to cover her hair.


16

Like many things in life, this will obviously depend on the specific situation. For example, if the relevant people understand your lifestyle and why you would be sensitive to this issue before it came up would be a very different question than if they are militantly opposed to your zealous bigotry. I had a close relative marry a non-Jew, and I actually ...


14

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein was strongly opposed to a two-ring ceremony in which he says "harei at mekudeshet li" and she says "harei ata mekudash li", but in a later responsum -- EH4:32b (addressing R' Elyakim "Getzel" Ellinson, who was questioning men wearing bands and Rav Moshe defending the practice) he clarifies that for a man to simply wear a band is not ...


12

As a convert, this has been a bone of controversy in my family. My Rav, Rabbi Gedaliah Anemer, zt"l, said it was forbidden to enter the sanctuary of a church. Rabbi Maurice Lamm, in his book Becoming A Jew, also does not allow any leniency. When my father died, I brought up the issue because I was asked to speak at the memorial service. Another ...


11

YD §193 is about this. It is too comprehensive a discussion for me to adequately address here. Some basic points, however: Blood which comes from a wound - דם מכה - does not render a woman a Niddah. Technically speaking, hymeneal bleeding - דם בתולים - is blood from a wound. However, due to certain Halachic concerns, various amora'im (and some tanna'im ...


11

Shevet HaLevi 5:12 - end of Teshuva says that a Kallah in the Ezras Nashim would not be sufficient reason not to say Tachanun since she is not combined with the Minyan.


11

To supplement, not supplant, Daniel's good answer: Orthodox Jewish weddings start late. (Even later, often, if the bride and groom are Sephardic.) This varies geographically; for example, in my experience, ceremonies start almost on time in St. Louis, Missouri, but as much as an hour later than scheduled in New York City and environs. It may also vary by ...


10

Yes. Rashi cites this in his commentary to Gen. 36:3 (explaining why the name of one of Eisav's wives is given as "Machalath" when earlier she was called Basemath; Machalath is related to mechilah, forgiveness), in the name of Aggadas Midrash Sefer Shmuel (ch. 17). (It's also in the Yerushalmi, Bikkurim 3:3.) This is in fact one of the reasons why a bride ...


10

Jewish Action, Summer 2005 edition, has a "What's the truth about..." column by Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky on not meeting for the week preceding the wedding. His main point is the lack of old sources for this custom, but he does cite several newer sources and the reasons they give. See there for the details, but the reasons and post-facto rationales offered ...


10

That specific formulation is certainly not necessary. The Gemara (Kiddushin 5a) has several variant formulations: כיצד בכסף? נתן לה כסף או שוה כסף ואמר לה "הרי את מקודשת לי", "הרי את מאורסת לי", "הרי את לי לאינתו"-- הרי זו מקודשת How does [betrothal through] money work? He gives her money or monetary equivalent and says to her "הרי את מקודשת לי" (...


10

Practically speaking, the wedding goes ahead as planned, with minor differences at the ceremony: The groom is careful not to touch the bride when putting the ring on her finger. The groom does not hand the Ketuba to the bride. The bride & groom do not hold hands after the ceremony. The Yichud-room has another person present; usually hiding there in ...


8

This is just my guess on things from what I've seen. There can be a lot of issues going on in each case, so it's worth taking an honest assessment of the full situation, and talking with a rabbi who's both knowledgeable and understanding. If both you and the event host demonstrate genuine caring and communication, that can help a lot of things too. I ...


8

Bavli Ketubbot 8a: לוי איקלע לבי רבי בהלוליה דר"ש בריה בריך חמש רב אסי איקלע לבי רב אשי בהלוליה דמר בריה בריך שית...רב אשי איקלע לבי רב כהנא יומא קמא בריך כולהו מכאן ואילך אי איכא פנים חדשות בריך כולהו ...&rml; Levi came to Rebbi's house after R Shimon [Rebbe's] son's wedding and said [all] of the blessings. Rav Assi came to Rav Ashi's house after Mar [...


8

I heard on a R' Hershel Shachter shiur @yutorah that the older practice was in fact to have one rabbi (often the officiating one) to recite them all. Just as a haftorah or the like has multiple blessings, recited by one person. In order to spread the honors, today people will often give one (or more) blessings per person. If that works for you, fine; if ...


8

The primary application that has been discussed over the years has been with regards to mixed seating at weddings. See also Rabbi Eli Clark, "Mixed Seating at Weddings" (pdf), Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein allowed it (OCI:41), based on Talmudic discussions related to seating at the Passover Seder. His son-in-law, Rabbi ...


8

Per Ohr.edu in the name of Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv Shlita, Children have a Chiyuv to respect their parents even after the parents have passed away. Attending the marriage of a surviving parent would be disrespectful to the deceased parent. See Hirhurim for more reasons.


8

I don't have a source for the custom, but I think it's irrelevant. The onus is upon him to show a source that it isn't tznius. Standing for a woman in general certainly isn't a violation of tznius - in fact the Gemara says one is obligated to stand up for the wife of a talmid chacham (Shevuos 30b).


8

In theory, as long as it's intrinsically worth a perutah it's good enough, but there can be no misunderstandings about what it is! If she thinks she's getting a diamond when in fact you're giving her a cubic zirconia, then it could be claimed the kiddushin occurred under false pretenses. So we avoid stones or fancy engravings. THEREFORE, to avoid any chance ...


8

Mishna Berura 573:8 mentions that a Chasan should say Viduy on the day of the wedding. There is no mention that it has to be at Mincha. Most likely the Minhag of saying it at Mincha was done practically as most weddings are after the time of Mincha. However it can be done anytime in the day. http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/475826/jewish/Day-of-...


8

There is definitely no Halachic requirement to get married at night. I personally got married on Labor Day and the wedding was in the daytime. It is mostly done since it is convenient. Bli Ayin Hara with many weddings and Simchas on a daily basis, it would be dificult for many to attend if they were all held in the daytime. Nitei Gavriel Hilchos Nesuin 16:...


8

Nitei Gavriel Nisuin1 37 mentions this in the name of Shaalos U'Teshuvos Pri Haadama 3:10, Shaar Hamifakaid Kidushin 16b 12, Klilas Chasanim 10:4, Shulchan HaEzer 67:3. However he mentions that many Gedolim oppose this Minhag based on the Biur Hagra 25:1.


8

There are two steps to marriage in Judaism: Kiddushin and Nisuin. Once those two are completed, the couple is married. In our days, the first act, Kidushin, is generally done by giving the Kallah a ring. The second act is done in a variety of ways (as what constitutes Nisuin is actually a Machlokes). The Chuppah is one such view, the Yichud room is another ...


8

The Minhag is mentioned in sources as early as the Teshuvas HaGeonim (Harkavy no. 65) and the Zohar, quoted by the Rama in Even Ha'Ezer 27:1. It is indeed a Minhag, and is quoted as such in many places (such as here, the Nitei Gavriel) The Rogotchover (Rambam Ishus 3:1) gives the custom a creative halakhic basis: today, when Kiddushin and Nisuin are ...


7

Someone in the neighborhood I used to live in got an aliya for his 83rd birthday (=70+13), and people threw bags. The kids who opened them were disappointed to find dried prunes.


7

The minhag by Chassidim is if the Rebbe or a Rov is there, he says all the Brochos.


7

Like all things dealing with Sephardi minhagim, it is Kabbalistic and complicated. First the reason to have them is founded in the Zohar Helek 2, 68b, and Helek 3, 219, where it states that Hadas is a deterrent to the sitra ahra, ayyin hara and other negative spiritual forces. Going on from there, highly mystical reasons of tikkun olam are involved as the ...


7

I know my answer will make people angry, but whatever. When I was a child, weddings had separate dancing, no mechitzah. As I got older, bushes and plants were used to create a division between men and women on smaller dance floors. As I got even older, dance floors got larger, and giant 8-10 foot tall mechitzas were found in the middle of the wedding. And ...


7

From page 10 of here: It is expressly stated in the Commentaries Bayith Hadash Beth Shmu'el on Shulchan Aruch Eben ha-Ezer 62, that the formula, "We will bless our G-d in whose abode is joy," is not to be recited at the Grace after a wedding feast [as it usually would be], if men and women are found together in one room-because there is no joy in G-...



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