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11

The Talmud in Kesubos (52b) states: מצוה דנלבשה וניכסה וניתיב לה מידי כי היכי דקפצי עלה ואתו נסבי לה It is a Mitzva to clothe her, cover her, and give her stuff, so that men will jump at the chance to marry her. The three things mentioned presumably refers to clothing, jewelry, and money. Although the Gemara there says that it is a Biblical mitzva, see ...


9

The Gemara in Kiddushin says it's a mitzva for a father to attempt to marry off his children. The Gemara then says, "for boys, that's easy. But how do I get someone to marry my daughter?" Answer: it's a mitzva to offer a nice dowry, to attract a boy to marry her. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch and commentaries there; if I recall correctly, a young woman ...


9

Ask your rabbi. And a warning: if you're trying to impress your date by just quoting my answer here, there's a decent chance she's seen it too by now, so nice try. (But then again, if you're both yodeyans, you're off to a good start ...) Here are the issues, as I understand them and as I've heard: Is the knife clean? If not, who knows what was on it. ...


9

http://chareidi.org/archives5761/korach/KRfeatures.htm While our rabbis tell us that davening at kivrei tzaddikim is a segulah for all types of help, the tradition of Amuka as an address for unmarried men and women is a relatively new one, according to experts in the field. It was "rediscovered" about fifty years ago by Rav Shalom Gefner of Meah ...


8

Try this lecture from Rabbi Bednarsh, entitled "the theology of shiduchim." Not surprisingly, there are many different opinions. The Gemara sounds like a first marriage is easy, because it's just the two people matching up as pre-destined. It's second (or later) matchmakings that are "as difficult as the Splitting of the Sea." The approach that's easiest ...


8

The primary application that has been discussed over the years has been with regards to mixed seating at weddings. See also Rabbi Eli Clark, "Mixed Seating at Weddings" (pdf), Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein allowed it (OCI:41), based on Talmudic discussions related to seating at the Passover Seder. His son-in-law, Rabbi ...


7

There is a Baal Shem Tov story (one version of it is here) where a couple who couldn't have children, had a child due to the Baal Shem Tov's blessing. When the child died on his second birthday, the Baal Shem Tov consoled the bereaved couple by explaining that their child was the reincarnated soul of a great convert who had to come back down in this world in ...


7

There are a few different cases here: A. The guy/girl is hiding a severe condition, one that any normal person would need to know about (e.g. untreated severe bipolar disorder). You'd be obligated to proactively tell the other side about this (assuming you're not bound by whatever professional privacy laws), assuming you know what you're talking about, ...


7

See HALACHICALLY SPEAKING, Customs During Sefira Part 11: Shaving for a date One is not permitted to shave during his custom of sefira even if he has a date.(99) (99)Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Piskei Shmuos pages 62-63 quoting the opinion of Harav Elyashiv Shlita.


7

My understanding is that many people today will start off with the assumption that a woman who bacame baal teshuva after a certain age is just not kohen-eligible. As for your question -- it's not an easy matter, but if it's prohibited it's prohibited. ("Don't embarrass someone" doesn't mean I can ignore the serious possibility of halachic prohibitions.) As ...


6

See Sotah 2a (summarized here). The pre-conception designation applied only to a first marriage. In subsequent marriages, one gets what one deserves, which is harder for God to arrange than the Splitting of the Sea.


6

At our siyum on Sotah, a speaker noted an answer offered by R' Yitzhak Aramah, the author of the "Akeidas Yitzchak". It can be found in the eighth "Shaar", on page פ"ב in the edition of the book found on HebrewBooks.org: http://hebrewbooks.org/14342 . He rejects that any match, even for a first marriage, could be preordained, since it would render ...


6

Well, what's the alternative, really. A few things could happen: Couple have a first date, decide not to go forward. Okay. Couple goes out on first date, are on the fence, get genetic testing -- testing says they're incompatible, they break up. Okay. Couple goes out and are really really into each other. Then they start to think about genetic ...


6

Tough question. There's a shiur on yutorah citing a responsum whether a grown child can pester his parents for money. The halacha is that once a child is old enough to go out on their own (I believe the Israeli rabbinic courts will put that at 15 or 16), the parent has no hard-and-fast obligation to support them anymore, though continued support for their ...


6

The Talmud (Bava Kama 92a) states: כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו והוא צריך לאותו דבר, הוא נענה תחילה Anyone who asks for mercy for his friend, and he needs that thing too, he is answered first. So you should consider praying for other people who have predicaments similar to your own. (Inspired by this answer.)


6

The Talmud says when you look into a prospective girl you should look into her brothers (Bava Basra 110a). Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky is reported to have said that this no longer applies, as it was said in a time when girls stayed in the home and that was their primary sphere of influence. However, today a girl will be influenced by a much broader sphere and ...


5

Who was Avraham's Beshert? Sara. Yitzchak? Rivka. Yaakov- according to Kaballa (Nefesh HaHaim 1:21) he had to marry the two sisters to make a Tikun. From here we have a pretty sufficient proof that Yaakob had a Bashert to these two people.


5

Avraham was informed Rivka had been born, but Rashi AFAICT doesn't indicate that he knew at the time that she was Yitzchak's match. Yes, the news did make him think of a potential match for Yitzchak, but that doesn't mean that he knew that she'd be such. He needed his messenger to check her (and/or other potential matches) out first. No source.


5

The first section in Nishmas Avraham on Even Haezer reads (in my own translation): Rabbi S.Z. Auerbach zatzal wrote me: I'm uncertain about someone with an hereditary disease whose descendants will be in pain all their days, or who suffers a blood-clotting disorder that passes to sons (hemophilia), whether he may therefore refrain from ...


5

The first quality that comes to mind from the Torah is good Midos. Avraham did not want Yitzchok to marry the daughters of Canaan (Breishis 24:3 and Kli Yakar there) since he did not want Yitzchok to learn from their bad Midos. When Eliezer goes to find Rivka his test is if she is a Baalas Chesed, again checking out her Midos. (Breishis 24:14).


4

Lemons are, according to some, a davar charif. The assumption is that a knife cut can transfer into the thickness of a lemon slice not only what's on the outside of the knife, but even what is absorbed in the knife- even taste that is lifgam (24 hours old), the sharp taste makes it lishvach. The Shach limits the transfer to what's in the knife's outer ...


4

There is a contradiction between two sources. The Shulchan Aruch writes that one can get married on Chol Hamoed because another can beat him to her. Another says that the bas kol decides 40 days in advance. One of the answers given is that one can get married before to someone not his bashert, but will later on marry his bashert. Another is that he is more ...


4

A point to remember when there is reason to discourage the shidduch is that Lashon Hara for a to'eles is permitted only when there is no other way to achieve the same constructive outcome. My Rosh Yeshivah told us that as a teacher of many eligible bochurim he often received inquiries about the suitability of a particular student. If there was indeed some ...


4

A person's "bashert" refers to a spouse that was preordained, as the Talmud states (Sotah 2a) that 40 days before a person is conceived his future match is announced. However, the Talmud (Moed Katan) states that it is possible for another person to acquire that spouse through prayer. Commentators struggle with this question and many conclude that a "bashert" ...


4

My understanding from talking to people and learning in various Kollels here in Israel, is that it is primarily a Lithuanian Haredi thing, though some branches of Hassidic Haredim hold by the same practice, and it is not practiced at all in the Sephardi community.


4

First off: make sure you're not both carriers for a recessive disease such as Tay-Sachs or Canavan. You can do this through Dor Yeshorim (in which case you're simply told "no conflict"), or can see a geneticist to actually find out what you carry. (Some people prefer not to have that burden.) It's important to make sure you're on the same page about ...


4

Excellent question. Greetings and welcome to J.SE! German and Sephardic Jewish men begin wearing a Tallis many years before marriage; the question if anything is why those of Eastern European ancestry wait until marriage. I'm told that once a man gets married and starts wearing a Tallis, the practice (I wouldn't say "must", but certainly "normative ...


4

There are number of people one may not marry. This includes non-Jews, close relatives, and married people. For some Jews it also includes converts, mamzerim, divorcees, or others. (Sources include Rambam.) One should make sure that the person one is planning on marrying isn't in any of these categories.


4

Generally with other ulta-orthodox baalei t'shuva or other people with similar backgrounds. That is a good idea, regardless, as the compatibility is more likely to be there. (The only exception to your list is persons of color - my observation is that they tend to find a person of a different color who doesn't have a hangup about it). In addition, There are ...


3

Firstly, I would like to add to the question: Rashi on Bereshis 25:20 says that after the akeida, Yitzchak waited to marry Rivkah for 3 years המתין לה עד שתהא ראויה לביאה שלש שנים ונשאה: He waited for her until she would be fit for marital relations-three years-and then married her. — [From Gen. Rabbah 57:1; From here it's pretty clear that ...



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