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12

The Talmud in Kesubos (52b) states: מצוה דנלבשה וניכסה וניתיב לה מידי כי היכי דקפצי עלה ואתו נסבי לה It is a Mitzva to clothe her, cover her, and give her stuff, so that men will jump at the chance to marry her. The three things mentioned presumably refers to clothing, jewelry, and money. Although the Gemara there says that it is a Biblical mitzva, see ...


10

The Talmud says when you look into a prospective girl you should look into her brothers (Bava Basra 110a). Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky is reported to have said that this no longer applies, as it was said in a time when girls stayed in the home and that was their primary sphere of influence. However, today a girl will be influenced by a much broader sphere and ...


10

R' Moshe Feinstein in Even HaEzer 4:60 writes that it is absolutely prohibited, not just as a nice practice, but involves a Torah prohibition. Among other points, one thing he writes is that in his understanding of the Rambam, speaking to a woman in an affectionate manner is included in the Torah prohibition of illicit relationships.


9

Ask your rabbi. And a warning: if you're trying to impress your date by just quoting my answer here, there's a decent chance she's seen it too by now, so nice try. (But then again, if you're both yodeyans, you're off to a good start ...) Here are the issues, as I understand them and as I've heard: Is the knife clean? If not, who knows what was on it. ...


9

Try this lecture from Rabbi Bednarsh, entitled "the theology of shiduchim." Not surprisingly, there are many different opinions. The Gemara sounds like a first marriage is easy, because it's just the two people matching up as pre-destined. It's second (or later) matchmakings that are "as difficult as the Splitting of the Sea." The approach that's easiest ...


9

The Gemara in Kiddushin says it's a mitzva for a father to attempt to marry off his children. The Gemara then says, "for boys, that's easy. But how do I get someone to marry my daughter?" Answer: it's a mitzva to offer a nice dowry, to attract a boy to marry her. This is codified in Shulchan Aruch and commentaries there; if I recall correctly, a young woman ...


9

http://chareidi.org/archives5761/korach/KRfeatures.htm While our rabbis tell us that davening at kivrei tzaddikim is a segulah for all types of help, the tradition of Amuka as an address for unmarried men and women is a relatively new one, according to experts in the field. It was "rediscovered" about fifty years ago by Rav Shalom Gefner of Meah ...


8

The primary application that has been discussed over the years has been with regards to mixed seating at weddings. See also Rabbi Eli Clark, "Mixed Seating at Weddings" (pdf), Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein allowed it (OCI:41), based on Talmudic discussions related to seating at the Passover Seder. His son-in-law, Rabbi ...


8

The first quality that comes to mind from the Torah is good Midos. Avraham did not want Yitzchok to marry the daughters of Canaan (Breishis 24:3 and Kli Yakar there) since he did not want Yitzchok to learn from their bad Midos. When Eliezer goes to find Rivka his test is if she is a Baalas Chesed, again checking out her Midos. (Breishis 24:14).


8

What is Shiduch? Jastrow translates "שידוך" as a "preliminary negotiations" to betrothal (אירוסין). He also cites Kiddushin 12b as the source for his defintion; there, the gemara discusses the case cited in your שלחן ערוך. (he also cites Yerushalmi Kiddushin, which also discusses this case) I heard it also is called the market As for "I heard ...


7

There is a Baal Shem Tov story (one version of it is here) where a couple who couldn't have children, had a child due to the Baal Shem Tov's blessing. When the child died on his second birthday, the Baal Shem Tov consoled the bereaved couple by explaining that their child was the reincarnated soul of a great convert who had to come back down in this world in ...


7

Well, what's the alternative, really. A few things could happen: Couple have a first date, decide not to go forward. Okay. Couple goes out on first date, are on the fence, get genetic testing -- testing says they're incompatible, they break up. Okay. Couple goes out and are really really into each other. Then they start to think about genetic ...


7

See Sotah 2a (summarized here). The pre-conception designation applied only to a first marriage. In subsequent marriages, one gets what one deserves, which is harder for God to arrange than the Splitting of the Sea.


7

At our siyum on Sotah, a speaker noted an answer offered by R' Yitzhak Aramah, the author of the "Akeidas Yitzchak". It can be found in the eighth "Shaar", on page פ"ב in the edition of the book found on HebrewBooks.org: http://hebrewbooks.org/14342 . He rejects that any match, even for a first marriage, could be preordained, since it would render ...


7

See HALACHICALLY SPEAKING, Customs During Sefira Part 11: Shaving for a date One is not permitted to shave during his custom of sefira even if he has a date.(99) (99)Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Piskei Shmuos pages 62-63 quoting the opinion of Harav Elyashiv Shlita.


7

There are a few different cases here: A. The guy/girl is hiding a severe condition, one that any normal person would need to know about (e.g. untreated severe bipolar disorder). You'd be obligated to proactively tell the other side about this (assuming you're not bound by whatever professional privacy laws), assuming you know what you're talking about, ...


7

My understanding is that many people today will start off with the assumption that a woman who bacame baal teshuva after a certain age is just not kohen-eligible. As for your question -- it's not an easy matter, but if it's prohibited it's prohibited. ("Don't embarrass someone" doesn't mean I can ignore the serious possibility of halachic prohibitions.) As ...


7

In some more "Yeshivish" circles (this was pretty normal among my crowd in Yeshiva), the custom is to propose with a bracelet, not a ring, and it is usually done with some formulation of "will you marry me." If the "question" is asked, people are careful to do so without any witnesses, to prevent the marriage taking halachic effect. The kneeling thing is ...


7

Shadchanim often suggested the match, in addition to working out the financial settlements. I reference Gluckel of Hamleyn, a memoir written in the late 1600s/early 1700s. The writer was a wealthy and prominent Jewish woman who lived in Germany in those times. She had many children and was very involved in marrying them off with the appropriate financial ...


6

Avraham was informed Rivka had been born, but Rashi AFAICT doesn't indicate that he knew at the time that she was Yitzchak's match. Yes, the news did make him think of a potential match for Yitzchak, but that doesn't mean that he knew that she'd be such. He needed his messenger to check her (and/or other potential matches) out first. No source.


6

Tough question. There's a shiur on yutorah citing a responsum whether a grown child can pester his parents for money. The halacha is that once a child is old enough to go out on their own (I believe the Israeli rabbinic courts will put that at 15 or 16), the parent has no hard-and-fast obligation to support them anymore, though continued support for their ...


6

The Talmud (Bava Kama 92a) states: כל המבקש רחמים על חבירו והוא צריך לאותו דבר, הוא נענה תחילה Anyone who asks for mercy for his friend, and he needs that thing too, he is answered first. So you should consider praying for other people who have predicaments similar to your own. (Inspired by this answer.)


6

The Lubavitcher Rebbe specifically discouraged giving a ring at any time during the engagement. (The practice in Chabad is to give the diamond ring* in the Cheder HaYichud after the Chuppa, and even other gifts are not given directly, or at least not with witnesses). This is apparently explained at length in a Sicha of Nasso 5741, but I couldn't find it in ...


6

Rashi on Breishit 26:2 (@Yez is correct). Summarizing Rashi and Sifsei Chachamim's emmendations - Yitzhak was considered as a sacrifice (which, he was from the akieda). Sifsei Chachamim says he was considered Kodesh Kadashim ("most holy") and such sacrifices were not allowd to be taken out of the azarah. The entire land of Israel was considered the azara at ...


6

Shiduch means a discussion concerning marriage. The mashal my rebbi told me about this was where do you want to live what do you do etc. Basic dating conversation, nothing special really. The flip side is seeing a woman on the street and without saying two words to her first, proposing. How decent does that sound? Does it sound like anything more than pure ...


5

Who was Avraham's Beshert? Sara. Yitzchak? Rivka. Yaakov- according to Kaballa (Nefesh HaHaim 1:21) he had to marry the two sisters to make a Tikun. From here we have a pretty sufficient proof that Yaakob had a Bashert to these two people.


5

A lot of this has already been covered in other answers here. There are three statements the Gemara brings: 40 days before the fetus is formed a voice from heaven announced who the fetus will marry (Sotah 2a) Matching up people is as hard for G-d (so to speak) as splitting the sea (Sotah 2a). Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 68:1) elaborates that since the ...


5

There is a contradiction between two sources. The Shulchan Aruch writes that one can get married on Chol Hamoed because another can beat him to her. Another says that the bas kol decides 40 days in advance. One of the answers given is that one can get married before to someone not his bashert, but will later on marry his bashert. Another is that he is more ...


5

The first section in Nishmas Avraham on Even Haezer reads (in my own translation): Rabbi S.Z. Auerbach zatzal wrote me: I'm uncertain about someone with an hereditary disease whose descendants will be in pain all their days, or who suffers a blood-clotting disorder that passes to sons (hemophilia), whether he may therefore refrain from ...


5

Excellent question. Greetings and welcome to J.SE! German and Sephardic Jewish men begin wearing a Tallis many years before marriage; the question if anything is why those of Eastern European ancestry wait until marriage. I'm told that once a man gets married and starts wearing a Tallis, the practice (I wouldn't say "must", but certainly "normative ...



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