Hot answers tagged mourning-aveilus
16
A less poetic but more probable explanation than the one Isaac Moses linked to...
Dates back to when grave markers were cairns, which is the biblical meaning of the word "matzeivah" (before we shifted it to mean tombstone). A cairn is a pile of stone. With rain and wind, the pile would shrink. So, out of respect for the deceased, so they not be forgotten, ...
11
The Shulchan Aruch rules (YD 340:11) that women and men have an equal obligation in terms of keri'a, but that women should turn their undershirt around after tearing it before tearing her overshirt. Furthermore, in :15 he rules that a woman who performed keri'a is allowed to perform a non-professional stitch-up immediately after tearing, whereas a man would ...
8
From the Be'er Heiteiv, Orach Chaim 224:8:
מה שתולשין עשב או צרור ומשימין על םצבה אינו אלא משום כבוד המת להראות שהוא על קברו.
Translated,
That one takes up grass or a stone and places it on the grave marker is simply to accord honor to the deceased; to show that one has been present at the grave.
Quoted in the "laws" section of the OU/Artscroll ...
7
From an article on aish.com by Rabbi Yisrael Rutman:
...a person who has lost a loved one often feels that he has been abandoned by God; that there is no God where he is. We say to the mourner, therefore, that HaMakom should comfort him: We pray that he be blessed by a renewed awareness of God's presence, even in the grief-stricken place in which he now ...
7
Nit'ei Gavriel (Aveilus 4:4) cites various sources that there is a common practice to not tear kriyah in this instance anyway (and in note יב he mentions other variations, such as leaving a button undone for a while, or tearing kriyah at the moment of death only for a distinguished person).
In 4:7 he also writes that it is indeed not customary for doctors ...
7
I don't think one can visualize the churban bais hamikdash without a change in life and perspective. However, I did hear of a summer camp, which had the kids build forts and other buildings, and then on Tisha B'av the counselors burned it all down, and deestroyed it. This apparently helped the kids gain an appreciation of the feelings of loss with the ...
7
See HALACHICALLY SPEAKING, Customs During Sefira Part 11:
Shaving for a date
One is not permitted to shave during his custom of sefira even if he has a date.(99)
(99)Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita, see Piskei Shmuos pages 62-63 quoting the opinion of Harav Elyashiv Shlita.
7
Whether or not tashmish and other private acts of mourning remain forbidden on Shabbat Tisha b'Av is a difference of opinion between the Mechaber and the Rama in Shulchan Aruch OC 554:19 with the Mechaber permitting and the Rama forbidding. Some Achronim debate whether Ashkenazim can rely on the Mechaber in certain pressing circumstances so please CYLOR for ...
7
See here,
One may dry his hands on a towel and then use the damp towel to clean
his eyes and face, as the towel isn’t wet enough to impart enough
water to wet something else (tofach al menat le-hatpiach) (Shulchan
Arukh 554:11). (If one must actually clean one’s eyes in the morning,
it is permitted to do so normally, as it is no different than ...
7
From "The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning" by Maurice Lamm:
Community business meetings, such as synagogue or fraternal
organization membership meetings, are permitted the mourner after
shiva.
Social dinners, even though no music is played, and even though they
are held for charitable causes, are not to be attended by mourners for
parents ...
6
Nit'ei Gavri'el on Avelus (14:9-14) quotes the following rules [some sources in brackets]:
No sending gifts to a mourner within 30 days, and 12 months for an orphan [Ram"a 385:3]
Exceptions:
Yes sending gifts to a bar mitzva boy in mourning because he was a minor when his mourning period began and because it is a mitzva [cf. Divrei Malki'el 5:233]
Yes ...
6
I think it helps to study mishnayos or g'mara (Midos, Tamid, Yoma, P'sachim, perhaps others) about the avoda and miracles in the bes hamikdash. (Likewise, the musafos ("yotz'ros" of musaf) of Yom Kipur.) It gives one a feel for what's missing. Reading the ArtScroll kinos helps one focus on the loss and gives an idea of the difference that the churban made ...
6
No. From one parent who actually observed a bat mitzva by having her daughter tear for the first time:
Mishnah Berurah, Orach Chaim 561:17. In fact, children might be forbidden
to tear their clothes because of ba’al tashchit, the prohibition against wanton waste! See, for a related analysis, Minchat Chinuch 264:34 (Machon Yerushalayim edition, ...
6
First of all, I am not aware of any actual halachic source that states that a suicide is to be buried separately from the main Jewish cemetery. If anyone knows of a source for this, please let me know.
In any event, while many of the halachos of mourning do not apply in the case of suicide (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 345), this is only true if the person ...
6
Rav Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe OC 1:168) holds that in general one can have a wedding on the night of 17 Tammuz when necessary, but says in that same teshuva that for sure when the fast is Nidche that you can't have a wedding Saturday night. (I assume all other restrictions follow.)
5
According to R' Moshe Soloveichik, during the 9 days the level of mourning is as during the Shloshim mourning period.
In the time of the Shulchan Aruch part of the mourning process during the Shloshim was not to bathe. As such, The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 551:16) records a custom practiced by Ashkenazim of not bathing or showering during the Nine Days.
...
5
I suspect another influence on this is that according to Midrash, in Temple times, mourners would enter the Temple and be told:
השוכן בבית הזה ינחמך
May the One whose Presence is felt here grant you consolation
If so it would make a lot of sense that in post-Temple times, the greeting became:
May the One beyond space grant you consolation.
5
http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46540&st=&pgnum=450
Per the Nitei Gavriel quoting the Shulchan Aruch there is no difference in a year that has two Adars. The time of mourning is the same length.
5
First, let's address the issue of shaving during the 3 weeks generally. According to R' YB Soloveichik, Shiurei HaRav Al Inyanei Aveilut V'Tisha B'Av, pp. 20-21, there is "a basis for shaving one's beard during this period. He contends that the observances of the three week mourning period are patterned after the twelve month period of mourning that one ...
5
In response to both your queries:
but [an onen] does not act as Chazzan, read the Torah, or receive an Aliyah
from here.
Even if the only Kohen in shul is an onen, he still doesn't get an Aliyah
5
Clearly, one of them would have to lead. The choice minhag not to have a mourner lead the tefillah on Shabbat or Yom tov is a matter of who is preferred to take the post (because of the honor of the tzibbur), not an absolute disqualification.
5
The Shach (YD 376 sk 14) rules that if there is no one who is as qualified to lead, the mourner may lead even on Shabbat. If no one else is even there, I presume the mourner is the most qualified.
5
In discussing laws associated with consoling mourners, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe OC 5:20:21) uses the phrase in its singular masculine form: המקום ינחם אותך
Rabbi Menashe Klein (Mishneh Halachot 4:144) offers condolences to the recipient of the responsa on the recent loss of his mother, also using the singular masculine form.
5
The Nishmas Avraham (Chelek Daled Siman 42) discusses this. An adopted child is obligated to honor his adoptive parents in order to express gratitude for the kindness they did for him, but does not have the the actual mitzvah of honoring parents. He should say kadish for them but not at the expense of the biological children. He is not obligated to tear ...
4
It's certainly worse than giving it to a gentile laundry to do which is forbidden by the Rema in 551:3. Although the MB there (sk 34) saying it's because of minhag is going on the MA who extends the halacha to one whose intention is for the launderer to clean it after Tisha B'Av, the mashmaos is going on both (it's the same action/issur).
4
Regarding sending to other family members even if you do not know them - see Shaalos UTshuvos Tshuvos VHanhogos Chelek 1 Siman 692:44 by Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch that you can not give to other family members if you do not know them. However Rabbi Dovid Feinstein (quoted by Rabbi Avrohom Aba Freundlich) has Paskened that you may.
Regarding if someone shows up ...
4
Visit. The ruins are still sitting there.
4
One should tear Kriyah:
for a parent on the left side
for another family member (for whom one sits shiva) on the right side
for Har Ha'Bayit (ie. the Kotel) on the left side
The tear should be made on one's upper most garment, it should be one tefach in length (around 3.5-4 inches or around 9cm).
One must tear kriyah standing.
When tearing kriyah for a ...
4
Nit'ei Gavriel (Aveilus, vol. 1, 100:3 and footnotes) cites several views on the subject. One is that this version is meant to be said only when there is a minyan for bentching, which doesn't happen very often (except perhaps on Shabbos, but then there other views - cited in the next paragraph - that it shouldn't be recited then anyway). Another is that by ...
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