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16

The latter. If it's called "marriage", it's beyond just what we want. Religion is about things greater than ourselves. Rabbi Haskel Lookstein has, for many years, taught a high school course on Jewish sexual ethics. A few years ago he asked his students how they felt about "spouse swapping", and they assumed that if no one was hurt and all were in ...


15

Thank you and welcome to the site. We hope this is a theoretical question; however, Judaism covers the difficult cases too. First off, this isn't pleasant to bring up, but not all forms of rape would be of halachic consequence to the question at hand; but we'll assume here that this was conventional full penetration, which would present an issue. The Kohen ...


14

First things first, You're human. You can't help being attracted to women, Gd made you that way. Only the whens and wheres are your responsibility. Also remember that this area is a very difficult one to conquer, so don't get down on yourself if you fail to climb Everest the first few, or dozen, or hundred times. Getting a warning beforehand helps, so you ...


12

The mishna in Y'vamos (6:4) indicates that a widow is forbidden to a Kohein Gadol whether she was a widow only from erusin (when intimacy was still forbidden) or whether she was a widow even from nisu'in: כוהן גדול לא יישא את האלמנה--בין אלמנה מן האירוסין בין אלמנה מן הנשואין. This is quoted as halacha by the Rambam (Hil. Isurei Bi'ah 17:11): ...


9

Yes, but it's not recommended- The "orchestrator" of the wedding makes sure nothing goes wrong. The sages say that anyone who does not know the marriage laws well should not get involved with them (kiddushin 6a), as many mistakes can result. פרש"י : בטיב גיטין. בהלכותיהן : לא יהא לו עסק עמהם. להיות דיין בדבר שמא יתיר איסור ערוה וזהו עיוות שאינו יכול ...


9

He is reciting Numbers 6:24-26 (he only gets through half of the last verse in that clip): The LORD bless thee, and keep thee; The LORD make His face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee; The LORD lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. This is known as the Priestly Blessing and it is sometimes used when parents bless ...


8

"Seven days of impurity." Actually it's more like 12-ish. The Torah states that if a woman experiences an unusual flow, she needs to wait for it to end, and then count seven clean days. For the last ~1600 years, we operate with the rule of thumb that we don't know what's called "usual" or "unusual", and thus it's duration of bleeding, or 5 days, ...


8

There are two steps to marriage in Judaism: Kiddushin and Nisuin. Once those two are completed, the couple is married. In our days, the first act, Kidushin, is generally done by giving the Kallah a ring. The second act is done in a variety of ways (as what constitutes Nisuin is actually a Machlokes). The Chuppah is one such view, the Yichud room is another ...


8

The commandment to avoid negative reactions is on you, not your wife nor her friends. Of course they shouldn't be deliberately provocative, but if, for example, a normal conversation held in one part of your house bothers you in another part because of kol isha, or if the visitor is dressed appropriately and you are still distracted, this is largely a ...


8

The Rambam in הלכות דעות פרק ה says the following: כג: דרך בעלי דעה, שיקבע לו אדם מלאכה המפרנסת אותו תחילה, ואחר כך יקנה בית דירה, ואחר כך יישא אישה--שנאמר "מי האיש אשר נטע כרם, ולא חיללו . . . אשר בנה בית חדש . . . אשר אירש אישה" (ראה דברים כ,ה-ז) "The behavior of intelligent people is to first get [trained in] a job so he can support himself, then ...


7

Rav Herschel Schachter told me that the reason they do it is because they are afraid that a hair will be left out of the mikveh when they do tevila. To avoid this problem they shave their heads. I have also heard that they suspect that there will be tangles, which are חציצה for the tevila, so they shave their heads. Neither of these reasons would really ...


7

There's a growing movement of people like you, devoted to God but not Jewish, and I suggest that hooking up with that movement may help you find a wife from within it. See Wikipedia on Noahidism.


7

The word means "virgin". M'tzudas David (commentary on Joel) says it refers to someone mourning over her first husband, that is the husband she had married when she had been a virgin. (Hence also the "husband of her youth" bit.) A woman is closer, he explains, to such a husband than to a second husband.


7

The word here is "betulah", which specifically means "virgin." ("alma" is simply "young woman.") Many translators prefer "maiden" as it implies virginity but it's less explicit. Your assumption is basically correct. The Torah has laws about what happens if a "betrothed" (i.e. married, but unconsummated) virgin cheats on her husband, or is raped. ...


7

Well, here's Rambam Laws of Husbandhood Ch. 14: יד,י [ח] האישה שמנעה בעלה מתשמיש המיטה--היא הנקראת מורדת, ושואלין אותה מפני מה מרדה: אם אמרה, מאסתיהו ואיני יכולה להיבעל לו מדעתי--כופין אותו להוציא לשעתו, לפי שאינה בשביה שתיבעל לשנוי לה; ותצא בלא כתובה כלל, ותיטול בליותיה הקיימין, בין מנכסים שהכניסה לבעלה ונתחייב באחריותן, בין מנכסים שלא נתחייב ...


7

Based on 45+ years of marriage, I can assure you that whatever you say to your wife (other than the two most important words in a marriage) would probably not help. Rabbi Moshe Heinemann in his pre-pesach shiurim will emphasize that you do not have to go overboard (and the women do not accept that). Rabbi Avigdor Miller in his tapes on the subject tries to ...


6

Halacha recognizes the difference between Jews and non-Jews. "Race" is such a hard-to-define concept that it would be pretty much impossible for any laws to exist in such general terms. You really would need to explain what you mean by "interracial" for us to give a concrete answer, but I would imagine that in any case, the answer to your question is that ...


6

In a nutshell: in U.S. state laws, a couple is "married" by a clergyman. (Alternatively, they could go to a justice of the peace or the like.) The laws vary from state to state as to what's called a clergyman; for instance, in New York City the congregation would sign a letter stating that he is "a pastor or associate pastor." From the perspective of Jewish ...


6

The context is as follows: ג' אין רואין פני גיהנם אלו הן דקדוקי עניות וחולי מעיין והרשות ויש אומרים אף מי שיש לו אשה רעה ואידך אשה רעה מצוה לגרשה ואידך זימנין דכתובתה מרובה אי נמי אית ליה בנים מינה ולא מצי מגרש לה למאי נפקא מינה לקבולי מאהבה Three kinds of person do not see the face of Gehenna, viz., [one who suffers from] oppressive poverty, one ...


6

I believe the earliest source is Pirkei Derabbi Eliezer Chapter 16. החתן דומה למלך מה המלך הכל מקלסין אותו שבעת ימי המשתה כך חתן הכל מקלסין אותו שבעת ימי המשתה מה המלך לובש בגדי כבוד כך החתן לובש בגדי כבוד מה המלך שמחה ומשתה לפניו כל הימים כך החתן שמחה ומשתה לפניו כל שבעת ימים מה המלך אינו יוצא לשוק לבדו כך החתן אינו יוצא לשוק לבדו מה המלך פניו מאירות ...


6

It means "cosmic match" and does not have any religious meaning (as the word "cosmic," as it is transliterated there, does not originate in hebrew).


6

The 3 letters on the back are one of G-d's 72 names derived from Shemot 14:19-21. See here. You can find websites online that connect each of the 72 names to different things, but I have no idea if that is authentic Kabbala or new-age mumbo jumbo. This was discussed somewhere else on this site, but I can't find it right now.


5

Although I can not preclude any other opinions on the topic Rav Saadai Gaon writes: Likewise, apropos of the subject of marriage, I will say that our minds are capable only of grasping present state. As for what is forbidden or permitted in a situation that has no parallel at all in our earthly existence, such as whether or not marriage bonds will be ...


5

The last Lubavicher Rebbe did not divorce his wife, as we have not forced divorces after ten years, at least for half a millennium. I am not sure what the reasoning was for the change – if there ever was a change. It may be that rule has always just been taken to justify divorce. A undisputably infertile woman can still get married; either to an ...


5

It depends on who you ask, and how they interpret the sources. The Mishna on Ketubot 72a list it as Das Yehudit (which the gemara contrasts with DeOraysa): מתני' ואלו יוצאות שלא בכתובה העוברת על דת משה ויהודית ואיזו היא דת משה מאכילתו שאינו מעושר ומשמשתו נדה ולא קוצה לה חלה ונודרת ואינה מקיימת ואיזוהי דת יהודית יוצאה וראשה פרוע וטווה בשוק ומדברת עם כל ...


5

A woman who prevents her husband from having relations with herself, is a מורדת - and this is grounds for divorce. Details can be found in the Rambam - הלכות אישות - Ch 14 (Halachot 10 - 15) and in Shulchan-Aruch Even-HaEzer Ch. 154:3-6 (למי שכופין להוציא בגט)


5

One big one that I know of and have experienced is that when assessing if the children of this marriage are Jewish later in life, many times the parents' Kesuba will be taken as important evidence of that - if it was an orthodox one.


4

I once posted this here: Story with the Lubavitcher Rebbe: A man once asked the Lubavitcher Rebbe if it is true that folding your tallis right after shabbos is a segulah for shalom bayis. The Rebbe answered, "I don't know about that, but rolling up your sleeves and doing the dishes after shabbos is a segulah for shalom bayis".


4

The first stage of a Jewish marriage ceremony is called Kiddushin. The act of kiddushin, designates the woman for her husband and makes her forbidden to all other men, as the talmud says: What does the term kidushin connote? That he [the groom] makes her forbidden to all [men] [miKuDeSHet] like something that is heKDeSH (property consecrated to the holy ...


4

Rav Asher Weiss writes in his approbation of the RCA Prenup about supporting the RCA Prenup from the Nachlas Shiva document: לענ"ד אין זה ענין לני"ד דנראה לכאורה דתקנה זו עיקרה ויסודה באמת להבטיח את קיום האשה והספקת מזונותיה, ולא כאמצעי לאלץ את הבעל לגרש את אשתו, וא"כ אין מזה ראיה לנידון דידן.‏ In my humble opinion this is not related to our case ...



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