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It would seem that a woman does not need to follow her husband's minhagim for things that are considered ladies' mitzvos. Thus R' Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe EH 2:12) writes that it is up to a woman if she wants to wear a sheital (wig), and she doesn't need to follow her husband if he feels it's not good enough as this is one of her mitzvos. Rabbi Doniel ...


Often, when someone comes to a synagogue to pray who never does otherwise, and it's not a red-letter day on the calendar, it's because he's commemorating a relative's yahrzeit that day and wants to be with a minyan to say kadish. I propose that the rabbi assumed that about you. Many have the custom of lighting a candle on a relative's yahrzeit.

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