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Its a gemara in Kesuvos 68a its a statement of Rav Elazar : דאמר רבי אלעזר בואו ונחזיק טובה לרמאין שאלמלא הן היינו חוטאין [- שאנו מעלימין עין מן העניים אבל עכשיו הרמאים גורמים לנו - רש"י] בכל יום שנאמר (דברים טו, ט) וקרא עליך אל ה' והיה בך חטא Rabbi Elazar says let's go and thank the cheaters - without them we would sin [because we hide our eyes ...


This is in the begining of Shaarie kedusha. I also saw a peirush of this in a sefer called Olam Hamidos. The main idea was, that a person can fake how he is to the outside world, but to a spouse you are with all the time and there is no faking your true middos. Also a person may be afraid to lose a friend if they act badly around them, but ones spouse is ...

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