matchmaking; finding a spouse

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13
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3answers
778 views

Can someone have more than one potential soulmate simultaneously?

I have been told from several different people that it is possible for one person to have multiple Besherts (divinely intended marriage partners, soulmates if you will) to choose from. He may only ...
13
votes
2answers
359 views

How are the two tales of dancing in vinyards on the 15th of Av related?

The Mishna tells us (Taanis 26b) that on the 15th of Av, unmarried girls would borrow clothes, dance in the vineyard, and invite the unmarried men to choose them for marriage. The Talmud (Taanis 30b) ...
11
votes
6answers
990 views

40 Days Before Conception

It is written somewhere (I don't remember exactly where) that 40 days before conception, it is called out in Heaven who that person will marry. However, if the person gets married multiple times how ...
11
votes
2answers
256 views

Mitzvah for fathers to buy things for dating-age daughters?

I heard that men whose daughters are dating have a mitzvah to supply them with things that will help them, i.e. dresses, jewelry, etc. Is there a source for this?
11
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the lemon slice added to a soda in many bars a problem kosher-wise?

Many bars (and hotel lobbies) will add a lemon wedge to the top of a glass of soda; often it's used to differentiate between Diet Coke (gets the lemon) and regular Coke (no lemon). Does this pose a ...
11
votes
1answer
159 views

Did shadchanim suggest the shidduch?

Today, the role of the Shadchan is, depending on your community, to suggest to the prospective match that they meet, to introduce them, to arrange their meetings, and/or to advocate / be the ...
11
votes
1answer
347 views

Does someone who dies very young have a soulmate?

As discussed in this question, the Talmud tells us that 40 days before someone is born, a heavenly voice calls out "This person is destined for so-and-so". Not sure if anyone can answer this, but I'...
11
votes
1answer
291 views

(How) was Tu B'Av observed as a matchmaking/singles-meeting event through history?

I know the Talmud describes how the fifteenth day of the month of Av (Tu b'Av) was a day of ... I'd say "matchmaking", but I think "marriage-minded-singles-meeting" is more like it: אמר רבן שמעון ...
10
votes
3answers
622 views

What does a marriage proposal look like?

Most of us are familiar with the (American? Secular?) image of a proposal. The man kneels and says "will you marry me?" and so on. But what does an Orthodox proposal look like? I'm interested in any ...
10
votes
2answers
370 views

Must a Divorced Man Wear a Tallis While Davening?

According to a common custom among Ashkenazim, a man only starts wearing a tallis while davening after he gets married. Does a divorced man continue to wear a tallis when davening? Or could/should he ...
10
votes
2answers
407 views

Was Rabbi Akiva obligated to divulge that his daughter was destined to die on her wedding day?

Inspired by this question (perhaps even a duplicate). From the Talmud (Shabbat 156b) (Soncino Translation): From R. Akiba too [we learn that] Israel is free from planetary influence. For R. Akiba ...
10
votes
1answer
360 views

Is it proper to supply a picture of a girl prior to dating?

My daughter recently started dating, and a Shidduch (match) was suggested. The boy's family requested a picture prior to deciding if they want to proceed. I felt that this was inappropriate for ...
9
votes
3answers
513 views

Praying at Amukah = Finding a mate. Since when?

Many people, I'm sure, have heard of the famous segulah for finding one's soulmate: praying at the grave of Yonasan ben Uziel in Amukah, Israel. I'm not asking if this works, or why it would work, or ...
9
votes
3answers
521 views

Which authorities approve/disapprove of mixed events for singles?

Some weddings have mixed seating at the reception; some have separate seating. Some organizations and communities encourage or at least allow mixed events for singles; some discourage or forbid them. ...
9
votes
3answers
450 views

Kohanim Dating Ba'alot Teshuva

Is it necessary for a Kohen to clarify that a prospective match who is a ba'alat teshuvah has not had sexual relations with a non-Jew before dating her, or can one rely on a chezkat kashrut? If the ...
9
votes
1answer
492 views

May one propose with an engagement ring?

Are there any Halachic issues with giving a girl a ring while asking her to marry him? Are there any sources that discuss the sha'alah of safek Kiddushin, etc?
8
votes
5answers
342 views

Why didn't Avraham tell Eliezer to go get Rivka?

In Parshas Chayei Sara, Avraham tells Eliezer to go find a wife for Yitzchok from his family, כִּי אֶל אַרְצִי וְאֶל מוֹלַדְתִּי תֵּלֵךְ וְלָקַחְתָּ אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי לְיִצְחָק:‏ and not from the ...
8
votes
2answers
498 views

Having children when both parents are Tay-Sachs carriers

This is an obvious CYLOR question, but I am interested in whatever halachic information is available out there. Suppose a couple got married without ever getting genetically tested for Tay-Sachs. ...
7
votes
2answers
484 views

What do you say when asked Shidduch information

Often when we are asked Shidduch information we are stuck between the Halachos of Lashon Hara. Suppose there is an illness you are aware of, however it really is not something that would affect a ...
7
votes
1answer
265 views

Genetic testing before the first date?

Let's lay down assumptions: The shidduch dating system in which young men meet with young women to interact socially is permitted, and in fact practiced, only with the intention of potential ...
6
votes
2answers
963 views

shiduch date haircut during sefira

Are you allowed to get a haircut during the Omer if you are going on a shiduch date?
6
votes
1answer
164 views

What is the proper protocol for breaking a shidduch?

You are set up a shidduch and you go out for a few dates. It doesn't work out. What do you do? Is there a difference if you go on a few dates or if you go on many? Should you provide a reason or ...
5
votes
1answer
182 views

Are there any recent statistics showing the “marriage longevity” rate for shidduch arranged marriages?

There has been a "local" campaign in my neighborhood, recently, suggesting that young singles should only use shidduchim (matchmakers) when seeking to become married. Part of the "ad" campaign ...
5
votes
2answers
924 views

What are important topics to discuss before marriage?

Eventually, one is required to get married. In the process of selecting a marriage partner, what are important topics to discuss in the dating process? In particular, I'm looking for topics that will ...
5
votes
2answers
320 views

Laws regarding excessive conversation while dating

In speaking with a friend regarding conversation between men and women who are dating, this is what they said: So I asked someone who knows about these things and she said that it originates from ...
5
votes
1answer
672 views

Where can I find a “guide” to shidduch resume etiquette and protocol?

It seems that all my local shadchanim require a shiduch "resume". I am really new to this concept, and so are my kids. I looked at some samples, and I don't understand some of the abbreviations, ...
5
votes
1answer
122 views

Is it improper to invite a few single girls and a few single boys for a Shabbos meal to help fight the “shidduch crisis”

The shidduch system, according to many sources, isn't working and we're in a "shidduch crisis." See, e.g. this article. People complain, but nothing gets done. I don't see that the shadchan ...
5
votes
0answers
154 views

Height of havdalah candle = height of spouse?

I have seen havdalah ceremonies where a unmarried person is charged with holding the havdalah candle and is told to hold it at the height that s/he would want their spouse to be. What is the source ...
4
votes
4answers
560 views

What to look for when going on shidduchim?

Are there any sources in the Torah that list the qualities and traits one should look for when going on shidduchim? I am not looking for personal preferences, but actual Torah sources (Tanach, Talmud,...
4
votes
1answer
49 views

Yitzchak Avinu and Eretz Yisrael

I remember reading somewhere that the reason Yitzchak did not go to see Rivkah before engaging/marrying her (even though you are supposed to see the girl before engaging/marrying her per gemara ...
4
votes
2answers
160 views

What are good quality sites for Shidduchim

All: Boruch Hashem I am all set with my significant half but it becomes more and more revealed that we are living in "Shidduchim crisis". I wonder if there are good sites for Shidduchim - if so - ...
4
votes
1answer
141 views

Can I use kibud av v'em to get my son to date somebody?

Our son is getting older and still has this wild idea from his 20s and 30s that he will find a model who knows shas! We try to explain that it is getting harder as he gets older, to no avail. There ...
4
votes
2answers
125 views

Should you pay a shadchan if the shidduch was successful after a break up?

(Aside from a segulah for shalom bais, it's general practice to pay a shadchan their fee upon a successful shidduch - it might even be halacha.) A shadchan sets up Moshe and Sarah. They go out 4-5 ...
4
votes
0answers
120 views

Is there any halachic problem with providing a service (e.g., matchmaking) to someone for free, when others pay for it?

I recently got an interesting email from a shadchan (matchmaker), which I've paraphrased here: I have a potential match in mind for you. However, it is a halachic problem if I set you up with this ...
3
votes
2answers
163 views

paying for an apartment

I recently came across an article describing the situation in Israel where in order to finalize an engagement, the parents have to pay for an entire apartment (not just a down payment, the whole price)...
3
votes
2answers
370 views

Where could an extreme ultra-orthodox baal t'shuva etc. realistically find a shidduch?

When it comes to shidduchim, the extreme ultra-orthodox (both chassidim and non-chassidim) often seem to discriminate against equally (or even more) religious (children of) baalei t'shuva, gerim, ...
3
votes
2answers
197 views

What is the procedure for a Shiduch inside the Satmar community?

What is the procedure for a Shiduch inside the Satmar community? Can they "date" outside of parents house? What happens if the girl (or boy) is not from a religious family, do they date in the house ...
3
votes
1answer
259 views

When is it ok to compliment on a date

I don't know all the rules. Both of us are from Orthodox backgrounds, "black hat" litvish. We went on 3 dates already and I was wondering if on the fourth I could give compliments. I know on earlier ...
3
votes
1answer
54 views

Payment for Shadchanim

Where did the idea of paying a shadchan come from? Is it an obligation? Is it just like paying anyone for a service? If so, why do we only pay if the shidduch leads to a marriage? Additionally, who ...
3
votes
2answers
91 views

Do the Orthodox still Use Matchmakers?

I recently read an article about Jewish matchmaking. I was not aware that such a thing still existed. Is this a universal Orthodox method? Is it enforced? Does a person have to accept the match made ...
2
votes
1answer
405 views

Segulot for finding a Shidduch

If someone is having a hard time finding a shidduch, what can they do to help the process along? Are there any recommendations brought in the holy books that will make it easier?
2
votes
1answer
223 views

The proper age for a boy to start dating

From a halachic viewpoint, what is the proper age for a boy to meet one's potential wife nowadays? (i.e. dating)
2
votes
1answer
113 views

Dating through the Rabbis?

Is there a custom in which a man approaches his Rav to act as a liaison between himself and a lady he is interested in in order to start the dating/courting process? Someone recently recounted to me ...
2
votes
1answer
75 views

Validity to the saying that 3 shidduchim guarantee a place in olam haba?

This question discusses the idea that certain practices (e.g., saying ashrei yoshvei [Tehilim 145] three times a day) guarantees a place in olam haba. One common saying is that facilitating 3 ...
2
votes
1answer
103 views

Are there any halachic issues with apologizing to a past shidduch before rosh hashanah?

If someone feels that there might have been some wrong doing during a past shidduch and would like to apologize before judgement day, can one do so or should he/she just let it be? The issues that ...
2
votes
1answer
169 views

You're on a date in a park in the evening, what should you avoid to ensure the proper yichud rules are addressed?

Yichud prohibits seclusion between a man and woman who are unrelated (roughly). If a couple is on a shidduch and a park is the venue, what exactly makes the park problematic? If the park has at ...
2
votes
2answers
123 views

What is the meaning and origin of the term “in the parsha” with regard to someone who is looking for a shidduch?

Recently, I spoke to a neighbor who had a 20 year old daughter. I asked the mother if she was dating anyone and she responded that she was "in the parsha". This is a new term to me. I assume the term ...
2
votes
0answers
15 views

The chassan giving berachos on the day of his wedding [duplicate]

I heard from someone that the chasan - on the day of his chuppah - can give unmarried bochurim a berachah to find a shidduch. Is there a source for this?
2
votes
1answer
129 views

If a shidduch says “no” to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug? [closed]

If a shidduch says "no" to you, does that mean that they are not your zivug (predetermined soulmate)? Some sources: Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The ...
1
vote
4answers
182 views

What is shiduchim?

In Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha'ezer 26:4, it is written: ואפילו קדשה בכסף או בשטר אם לא שידך תחלה או שקידש בשוק מכין אותו מכת מרדות והיא מקודשת: הגה וי״א שאין מכין אם קידש בכסף או בשטר אפי׳ בשוק ובלא ...