THIS QUESTION IS ONLY IN JEST. "Purim Torah" is humorous and satirical writings customarily read on the Jewish holiday of Purim. Mi Yodeya has a great collection of Purim Torah, under this tag. For our collection of *real* Q&A about Judaism, see our home page: judaism.stackexchange.com.

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42
votes
5answers
4k views

Rejecting others' friend requests on Facebook [closed]

Inspired by this question: If one receives a friend request on Facebook, especially from another Jew, is it permissible to reject them? On the one hand, "חברים כל ישראל" - "All Jews are friends"; ...
32
votes
11answers
1k views

Haman was Basar b’Chalav, so how could we eat him? [closed]

Esther 3:5 says, “וימלא המן חמה” Haman was filled with butter. This would presumably make his flesh basar b’chalav, but Shemos 16:35 clearly says “ובני ישראל אכלו את־המן” the Children of Israel ate ...
29
votes
8answers
2k views

Using the Force on Shabbat [closed]

What halachic considerations must a Jewish Jedi take into account before using the Force on Shabbat? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim ...
24
votes
5answers
2k views

Surviving the zombie apocalypse? [closed]

One of Maimonidies 13 principles of faith is believing in the resurrection of the dead wherein the dead will arise from their graves. My question is have chazal provided any guidelines for how we are ...
21
votes
8answers
7k views

What does Judaism think of math? [closed]

Is it permissible according to halacha to do math? If so, are all kinds of math OK? This question and its answers are Purim Torah and are not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the ...
20
votes
6answers
3k views

How should a werewolf celebrate Pesach? [closed]

Werewolves are known for their transformation at the full moon. Unfortunately, for Jewish werewolves, this poses problems with holidays such as Pesach, Sukkot, (Shushan Purim, Pesach Sheini, Tu ...
19
votes
2answers
698 views

What are the consequences of Vashti’s dual nature? [closed]

In Esther 1:9 we read, “ושתי המלכה עשתה משתי נשים” Vashti the queen was made of two women. Aside from being biologically surprising, what are the consequences of this in our understanding of the ...
19
votes
2answers
1k views

Which spouse should get up, according to G-d's advice/plan? [closed]

In Proverbs 19:21 we have עֲצַת ה' הִיא תָקוּם I understand this to be on the topic of division of labor between a man and his wife, in particular which one should wake up early in the morning ...
18
votes
10answers
8k views

What is the Torah preferred brand of cell phone? [closed]

I have heard of Kosher phones. What do the classic sources (preferably Rishonim or earlier) say about the preferred type and brand of cell phone? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
18
votes
2answers
378 views

Why did I become queen? [closed]

I'm Ester from the Purim story. My uncle Mordechai advised me to ask here on Mi Yodeya why Hashem made me queen of Persia, as it says: וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת So, ...
17
votes
5answers
239 views

√-1 - mi yodeya? [closed]

Who knows √-1? The traditional Passover song "Echad - mi yodeya" implies a possible presupposition that there is a Jewish significance to be found for each number. What significant Judaism facts are ...
17
votes
4answers
1k views

What's up with this strange new hechsher? [closed]

All of a sudden, I’ve seen the hechsher shown in these photos popping up on various products. I’ve never seen it before, and I don’t see it listed on any of the usual online hechsher lists. Have ...
17
votes
3answers
981 views

Is the “Special K” a reliable hechsher? [closed]

Recently, I saw this logo on a package of cereal: I couldn't locate any information on the web about this kosher symbol. Is this hechsher reliable? Who is the head mashgiach? This question is ...
17
votes
2answers
355 views

Laws of yichud in the Soviet Union [closed]

In Soviet Union, is there heter for man and woman to seclude in same room if there is chazaka that KGB is watching? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously....
16
votes
6answers
4k views

PTIJ: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? [closed]

The classic philosophical question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? So, according to Purim Torah Judaism, does it? Sources please. ;) This ...
16
votes
6answers
3k views

If Rabbi Google quotes Mi Yodeya, can i rely on his advice? [closed]

The Israeli Rabbinate is considering granting smicha (rabbinic ordination) to Google. Now, assuming he gets accepted, what if Rabbi Google's answer is to look at Mi Yodeya? Mi Yodeya's policy states ...
15
votes
4answers
552 views

heresy on Purim [closed]

On Purim we're supposed to engage in מִשְׁלוֹחַ מִנּוּת, the sending of heresy to our fellow Jews. What are some pieces of heretical literature that are appropriate for sending on Purim? Or ones you'd ...
15
votes
3answers
1k views

Why do we play bagpipes, get drunk, and wear green on Moshe Rabbeinu's Yahrzeit [closed]

So today is Moshe Rabbeinu's Yahrzeit, and there are many people in the streets commemorating this by wearing green and drinking. There is also a large prevalence of bagpipes. I was wondering what ...
14
votes
4answers
3k views

Is the Torah in the public domain? (If not, what license is it?) [closed]

The public domain is, put simply, a collection of works that can be used by anyone, that are not copyrighted. Is the Torah in the public domain? If not, how can we be printing and copyrighting it? ...
14
votes
3answers
1k views

Is a diamond (♦) part of a moderator's name? [closed]

Assuming that moderators are on-topic; how are they called up for an aliyah? Is the diamond mentioned? It's been discussed before elsewhere on the network, though with an appalling lack of Jewish ...
14
votes
3answers
1k views

Why did the ignorant rabbis have to convert to Judaism? [closed]

Esther 9:17 says: ורבים מעמי הארץ מתיהדים "The ignorant rabbis became Jewish" I thought rabbis are already Jewish, even if they are ignorant! Why did they have to convert? This question is Purim ...
13
votes
6answers
2k views

Who is this Lamar? [closed]

I recently wished the Bam community a happy Rosh Chodesh, and Isaac responded (or at least attempted to respond - he seemed to have begun his Purim festivities early) with: וכן למר Also Lamar!...
13
votes
9answers
909 views

Who made the cholent? [closed]

Every week my wife and I have this problem. My wife cuts the potatoes and onions, adds the barley, beans and meat. But I spice the cholent! I always claim I'm the one who made it because we pasken taa'...
13
votes
3answers
371 views

How big did Mordechai get, and was it only in the king's palace? [closed]

According to the Megillah (9:4), Mordechai grew to a very large size whenever he was in the king's palace (כִּי־גָדוֹל מָרְדֳּכַי בְּבֵית הַמֶּלֶךְ ... כִּי־הָאִישׁ מָרְדֳּכַי, הוֹלֵךְ וְגָדוֹל). How ...
13
votes
4answers
592 views

Am I yotzei bikur cholim by visiting someone's Facebook page? [closed]

Since people increasingly live their lives online can I be yotzei the mitzvah of bikur cholim by visting the choleh's Facebook page? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
13
votes
4answers
337 views

Announcing the clock change in English? [closed]

It is well-known that the age-old, widespread, and correct practice is to announce the molad on the Shabbat preceding Rosh Chodesh specifically in the holy language of Yiddish. In contrast to this, in ...
13
votes
4answers
524 views

Why don't Jews accept Our Lord and Savior? [closed]

Why don't Jews believe the Messiah has come? It's clear from all the Scriptures that He has come! We should all believe in Him! As it is written (Isaiah 53) But he was wounded for our ...
13
votes
3answers
1k views

What is the bracha when one eats the Torah? [closed]

I keep seeing all these questions which discuss "Purim Torah, Ingest" but they don't seem to address the rules of actually ingesting the Torah. I don't know how to treat the Torah when I eat it. If ...
12
votes
5answers
1k views

Neder to not eat pizza [closed]

If I make a vow to not eat pizza, what can I not eat? On the one hand, it would seem that bread with sauce and cheese on it is called pizza, as that is what they give you in a pizza shop when you ...
12
votes
3answers
310 views

May Sauron’s Ring be used for kiddushin? [closed]

May the One Ring be used to be mekadesh a woman? At least from one perspective, the Ring seems ideal, given the verse: אַשׁ נַזְגּ דֻּרְבַּתֻּלֻקּ, אַשׁ נַזְגּ גִּמְבַּתֻּלּ , אַשׁ נַזְגּ ת׳...
12
votes
2answers
177 views

Has anyone invented a cure for Yahrtzeit? [closed]

A few days ago, while in shul, I asked my friend if he wanted to meet me for bowling at 5 P.M. He said, "I can't because I have yahrtzeit." It sounded like a serious sickness, like "I have a cold", ...
12
votes
2answers
156 views

Lo Yecheratz Kelev Lishono - What about other animals? [closed]

Rashi points out that because the dogs did not bark when the Jews left Egypt, they were rewarded with the basar neveilah. Since they were uniquely rewarded, this implies that all the other animals ...
11
votes
2answers
262 views

whats the diffrence [closed]

Whits teh difference btween arur hAman and Baruch mosses? -- This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken completely seriously. See the Purim Torah policy
11
votes
4answers
3k views

Why do we not shower every night? [closed]

The Gemara in Megillah 7b is clear: חייב איניש לבסומי בפוריא A person must smell good in bed However, I have seen that people are not careful about this. In fact, I have known some Yeshiva ...
11
votes
3answers
2k views

Are all Jews really Arabs? [closed]

The Gemara (Shevuos 39a) says כל ישראל ערבים All of Israel are Arabs. Is this true? I always thought that my family came from Eastern Europe. If it is true that all Jews are actually ...
11
votes
3answers
352 views

Why does wine need to be kosher lepesah? [closed]

All grape products, including and especially wine, are toxic to canines. Even a small amount is not fit to be eaten by a dog. The halakha is that things which are not fit to be consumed by a dog do ...
11
votes
2answers
248 views

What's so important about a lost blanket-rope? And how did it get lost anyway? [closed]

This question asks about how we can possibly know that our mesorah (tradition) is correct since we lost the chain of smicha. But what is so important about a chain of blankets? Such things are useful ...
10
votes
6answers
194 views

What did “נ ג ה פ” stand for before the miracle? [closed]

As is well known, the reason we play dreidel on Hanukkah is this: Before the miracle of Hanukkah, when the gentiles who controlled the land severely restricted Torah study, Jewish children would ...
10
votes
4answers
249 views

Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin? [closed]

In the spirit of Talmud Bavli Chullin 139b. The Talmud assumes that great future events are hinted to in the Torah. Well in that case... Mi Yodeya min HaTorah minayin (where is Mi Yodeya hinted at in ...
10
votes
3answers
106 views

Chodesh Asur Min HaTorah [closed]

It is a well known principle that חדש אסור מן התורה Chodesh Asur Min HaTorah. But I see people celebrating Rosh Chodesh all the time? How can we justify this practice? This question is Purim Torah ...
10
votes
3answers
358 views

No Offense Loophole [closed]

(Inspired by this question) Who came up with the No Offense loophole of: No offense, but your sweater makes you look fat. OR No offense, but if you really think what you just said is true, ...
9
votes
2answers
414 views

Are our moderators legal? [closed]

We know there is a famous Drash of "Som Tasim Alecha Melech". From here we have several Diyukim: Melech velo Malka - How do we have a woman mod? Melech (singular) - we can only have one mod. How do ...
9
votes
4answers
483 views

Why don't we celebrate Ben Drusai's Yahrtzeit? [closed]

Ben Drusai was one of the most influential figures in the history of halacha. His minimal contributions to the talmud grew over the years to entire sections of hilchos shabbos and there are even ...
9
votes
4answers
189 views

Why didn't Esther listen to Mordechai's instructions? [closed]

Mordechai instructed Esther the Queen, וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת Translation: Ask on Mi Yodeya if this is the reason you came to be a Queen. (It seems that ...
9
votes
4answers
4k views

How can I connect with God on facebook? [closed]

The purpose of mitzvot (Jewish commandments) is to connect with God so I tried to connect with Him on Facebook but didn't find Him. Can anyone help? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended ...
9
votes
3answers
514 views

What is the text of kiddush for Purim night? [closed]

My Otzar Hatiflus siddur only has the Kiddush for Purim day. What is the text of Kiddush for Purim night, and how does one incorporate havdala when Purim begins on Motzai Shabbat? This question is ...
9
votes
2answers
275 views

Zachor from a non-kosher Sefer torah [closed]

We know that one is not yotzeh if he hears Zachor read from a non-kosher Sefer Torah. What is the process of kashering the Sefer Torah so it will be usable? Must one do hag'alah? Does hag'alah work, ...
9
votes
4answers
158 views

Being Machmir in “Matanot Laevyonim” [closed]

Purim is always a rough time for me, as I am always worried about being mekayem Matanot Laevyonim properly. The problem is of course that if you share an עני with someone else, then if the other guy ...
9
votes
3answers
322 views

Where did Moses's successor come from if he had no parents? [closed]

After Moses died, he was succeeded by יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בִּן נוּן (Joshua, son of none). If Joshua had no parents, where did he come from? This question is Purim Torah and is not intended to be taken ...
9
votes
2answers
184 views

What to do if your husband is muktzeh [closed]

My husband is muktzeh (he was born in the eighth month and is now nineteen). Our marriage is going well. However, sometimes on the three-day Yom Tov it becomes difficult that neither I nor anyone else ...